I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

It’s been a quiet couple of weeks for Lindsay Lohan as she prepares for her latest role, Rehab Lockdown! The Lindsay Lohan Story!

And she’s been doing all she can to prepare herself for the 90-day stay: she went to Brazil and was photographed sitting on the dirt floor beneath a table in a bar, and then saying she couldn’t start Rehab until she went to drink-and-drug-and-sex fueled Coachella Music Festival—which is where a girl with drink and drug and sex issues needs to hang before she gets locked up, no?

Poor Hugh Jackman and his Huge Ackman. The man cannot get a break at all from The Stalkers and The Crazies.

It seems that just last week one of his crazy ‘fans’ followed him into the gym and threw a razor blade full of, gulp, pubic hair at him. It all went down at Jackman’s gym in NYC where police say the woman was hysterically crying and declaring her undying love for Huge, er, Hugh, and then hurled the razor at him. After she was tossed out of the gym, police caught up with her and arrested her.

Wow. Now, in the hope of being open and honest, I will admit that I, too, was once arrested for tossing my, um, pubic hairs at Hugh Jackman.

Difference was, I was still attached to my pubes when I hurled them at him.

Whoosh. That’s a load off my chest! Or somewhere.

Back at Lindsay…

She is still saying that she won’t go to any rehab that won’t allow her to take her daily dosages of Adderall.

I tried to do the same thing at Promises several years ago when I asked if I could still shoot up while locked away. Yeah, they said ‘No.’

But, it looks more and more likely that that’s what’s going to happen to Lindsay. She’ll be doing  her 90 days at the Seafield Center in Westhampton Beach, New York, close to Enabler-In-Chief, Dina Lohan, and all her dealers. An official source at the Center says that although they allow people to take drugs prescribed by a doctor, they are suspicious of Adderall because of its many abuses—which is precisely what Lohan’s trouble is; folks say they take it for ADHD, when they’re really using it for weight loss and getting high. Seafield says it will wean Lohan off Adderall and give her a less addictive med for ADHD.

Lindsay—who takes so much Adderall she could be the spokes-addict—has told friends that she will refuse an Adderall substitute. She says she’s tried other meds—Really? Quelle surprise!—and Adderall is the only one that works for her.

I want to be in that room when Lindsay says she won’t stay unless she gets her Adderall. I wanna be in the room when the drug addict says I won’t stay in rehab if I can’t keep my drugs.

Um, Linds? That’s been your issue all along.

So, there’s a new list in Hollywood this week which rates the Most Hated Celebrities and the big surprise is that, while Chris Brown is hated, he’s not the most hated.

20. Chris Brown—girlfriend beater

19. Jesse James—adulterer

18. Taylor Swift—serial dater

17. Shia LaBeouf—lunatic

16. Lindsay Lohan—‘nuff said

15. Angelina Jolie—husband stealer

14. Jay Leno—not funny

13. Ashton Kutcher—adulterer

12. LeAnn Rimes—adulterer … I’m sensing a theme

10 and 11. Kris Jenner and Kim Kardashian—adulterers/media whores

9. Anne Hathaway—phony humility

8. Justin Bieber—Lesbian

7. Madonna—age old pop star

6. Matt Lauer—news hack

5. Katherine Heigl—really bad actress

4. John Mayer—perv

3. Jennifer Lopez—big ass, no talent

2. Kristen Stewart—adulterer

1. Gwyneth Paltrow—Yes!

I’m in with all the folks on the list, especially with Paltrow at Number One—and you know she’ll twist this into some sort of jealousy vote.

How do you think the list does? Who got left off?

Speaking of Kristen Stewart …

 Remember when she was boning her older man, married to another woman, director?

Keep that in mind as we discuss.

Last November, Kristen signed on to a film called Focus, which was supposed to be about an older male con artist teaching the art of the grift to a young female con artist with no discernible talent. It seemed tailor-made for Stewart,

Ben Affleck was signed on to play the older man love interest and all was good. But then Ben dropped out of the film—probably because his wife, Jennifer Garner, wasn’t keen on him starring opposite Trampy Stewart.

So, Ben’s out, and then Will Smith is in. Yeah, it still sounds like the movie will suck, but … Now  Kristen has pulled out. She says the age difference between Smith and herself is too large a gap.

Age difference? Ben Affleck is 40 years old. Will Smith is 44 years old. There’s not a huge difference between 40 and 44, so is that the real reason Kristen is gone?

Maybe not, because rumor has it that the producers are just letting her save face by saying she’s pulled out when really what happened was that Will Smith wanted a better actress—read: not a whore—to play opposite.

Okay, so we know Jon Hamm is packing his pants. I mean, we’ve seen the evidence. And we’ve heard him ask that we stop talking about his man meat, so I’ll oblige …. Today.

See, I wanna talk about porn star James Deen—the ‘actor'- who played opposite Lohan in The Canyons which will never see the light of day.

It seems Deen, who appeared in an unauthorized’ sex tape with Teen Mom Farrah Abraham, recently admitted that their ‘sex tape’ was actually a porn film and not a leaked sex tape.

Well, Farrah Abraham retaliated by telling anyone and everyone that Deen, um, “had a small penis.” Hmm, hell hath no fury like a woman who seeks fame like a Kardashian.

James Deen responded, “What is her problem???? It is obviously medium sized. On the list of things I care about the size of my penis is number 783.”

Suh-nap. Now, Farrah can go back to her ‘reality’ show and maybe teach her child not to be a fame-whore who has sex on film to make a living, but to maybe get an education and a real job.