I Ain't One To Gossip, But ....

When last we left Leah Remini, she had defected from the Church of Fake Religion Scientology and was planning to write a book about the cult faith. Now comes word that members of the CoS are being, um, ordered advised to keep their distance from Remini, and that includes one John The Groper Travolta.

See, the good folks at CoS think that maybe someone else might escape and are worried that it might be big … I giggle … star Travolta who’s next to tie his toupees together and create a makeshift rope to climb over the walls, and they have ALLEGEDLY put him on a “tight leash.”

Methinks he might like that, but I digress.

Church authorities are working together to ensure that John Travolta doesn’t jump ship and at the 87th birthday celebration for Tony Bennett in LA recently, folks say John and his daughter, Ella Bleu, were being tailed by Scientology ‘minder’ Angie: “She spent most of the night aggressively staring at anyone John talked to,” recalls an eyewitness. “It was very uncomfortable, but John acted like it was normal.”

But Travolta ain’t leaving the building any time soon. I mean, he’s stayed through years of scandal and speculation regarding his proclivities with male masseurs, so this Remini dust-up won’t send him scampering off.

Still, folks say Ella Blue was fond of Remini and has no idea why she’s being told to distance herself from the actress; CoS members are routinely asked to “disconnect” from people who leave the church. Ella remains confused at the cruelty in cutting off Leah, so her parents decided to find a church minder for her.

Wow. What a lovely cult faith.

Hopefully Ella Bleu has bigger balls than either of her robot parents and she’ll defect as soon as she’s old enough.

The Brits apparently don’t want Americans buying their ‘stuff’ even at auction.

It seems Kelly Clarkson recently paid some $228,000 for a ring that once belonged to Jane Austen and people are so incensed about it that Britain basically forbidden her from taking her purchase out of the country; they’re hoping someone else, a Brit, perhaps, will outbid Kelly’s previously accepted bid and the ring will stay in the UK.

Britain’s Culture Minister Ed Vaizey has placed a temporary hold on the item, which will keep it on British soil until September 30; this hold will be extended to December 30 if a new buyer comes forward and intends to match Clarkson’s winning bid.

Here’s a thought Britain: if you wanna keep Jane’s jewels in the UK don’t put them up for sale? Eh?

Jennifer Lopez is finally putting all those American Idol rumors to rest. Well, not JLo who likes to turn everything into a media event for the press; well, everything except for those birthday parties she sings at for European despots and barbarians. Those she keeps secret.

But it JLo telling the tale of the AI return, it’s her oldest son, Casper Lopez, er, Smart. It seems Baby Boy Casper was promoting his new show — yes, ‘tis true … anyone can have a show on TV these days if you’re banging a media whore — when he was asked if his Mama JLo was coming back to Idol.

Casper took a beat, saw his chance, and said, “Yes.”

He won’t like it when he gets home to Mama; she don’t like folks telling her stories before she can spin it to make the most money possible.

So, Chris Brown has had a bad summer, hell, a bad few years. I mean, he was arrested for beating his girlfriend, he threw a chair out a window on GMA, he had a smackdown with Frank Ocean in a parking lot in LA and got a beat-down from Drake’s posse in NYC.

Then he had a seizure which he blamed on people who don’t like him and cried that American’s don’t ‘get’ his music — Oh, we get it, we just don’t want it — and now he’s gone a couple of rounds with a judge in California.

Chrissy was back in court recently to reinstate his probation — following the dropped charges on that weird hit-and-run incident — and the judge asked him if he ever completed his community service.

Brown who never met a lie he didn’t want to tell said, “Yeah.”

But then the judge was all, “Oh, no you d’i’n’t so now I’m’a give you a 1000 more hours.”

Brown was nabbed by submitting bogus community service reports — in one case even swearing he was picking up trash in Virginia when he was actually on a private jet to Cancun — so the judge revoked his probation and insisted he do more community service, like highway cleanup, beach cleanup, or graffiti cleanup.

So, if you’re out on the road and find Chris Brown in an orange vest bagging trash or scrubbing bridges, give the boy a Holla.

He’ll love it!

Katie Couric has pissed off Kash Kow Kardashian and the Kow’s response is kinda priceless.

Here’s what went down: Couric gave an interview to In Touch Weekly in which she was asked about the Kardastrophes and she said, “I don’t understand—why are they so famous? I think it’s mostly teenage girls that are interested.” 

That’s not so bad, really, I mean I said worse things about those Media Whores just today, but I don’t have a TV show that I’m trying to save by booking big-assed named guests like Katie.

So, Couric ate some crow and sent Kim and Kanye West a baby gift for baby Eastern Pacific — a pair of baby pajamas with a note that read “Dear Kim and Kanye, Congratulations on the birth of your baby girl! And may I humbly suggest you continue the K tradition. Fondly, Katie Couric.” 

Get it? Kim.Kanye.Katie. Kut!

But Kash Kow, who is alerted every time someone prints her name, saw the interview and then Instagrammed a picture of the gift with this hashtag:

 “#IHateFakeMediaFriends #MayIHumblySuggestYouNotSendGiftsThenTalkS—”

Snap.

In more Kardastrophe news, it’s official: Kanye is a Kardashian.

Mister I Hate The Media, Mister The Paparazzi Made Me Walk Into A Pole, Mister I Vant To Be Alone, just made an appearance on his Baby Mama’s Mama’s talk show.

It seems Kris Jenner, Mama Pimp to her whole clan, has a talk show that is ending its trial run and she was desperate to have one big name guest on to make herself seem important so she whored out Kanye.

Now, I didn’t see the show, though I saw clips and was struck by Kanye’s Gay Voice — perhaps a gift from his ALLEGED boyfriend Ricardo Tisci? I haven’t heard that many sibilant esses since my bike tire sprung a leak.

West taped his special interview and was said to have really brought it, hoping to keep Kris on TV and out of his life. He even let the show put up a photo of Baby Southwest Airlines. And he talked about being a daddy and being so in love with Kimmy that he thought about “playing sports”—two of Kash Kow’s exes are professional athletes, though I think when Kanye says “playing sports” he means playing with sports, in locker-rooms and showers.

Oh, Kanye, I never liked you before, but now you’re sinking fast into the Kardashian Kool-Aid.

Have you heard of Nick Gruber?

He’s a former gay porn star, and the former lover of one way gay Calvin Klein. And he’s quite the trainwreck, having spent more than one stay in rehab for drug abuse. But now, apparently, Nick has gotten himself a new agent, and he’s ready to move on from gay porn and gay boyfriends and, well, gay. Nick says he’s straight now.

I know!

And how does he prove he’s hetero-sekshul? He attends a Fire Island party given by gay porn star and filmmaker Michael Lucas at which he made a scene because someone grabbed his ass.

Lucas gave his account on, where else, Facebook:

"This weekend was "Ascension" - the biggest party of the summer on Fire Island. Every year I buy a large VIP tent that's up above the dance floor, where I invite my friends.

I saw this arrogant guy who was being rude to people, shoving two guys away after they bumped into him. I heard him say, "keep your hands away from me! I’m straight!" So I went over to him, and asked him why he was being so rude.

He said, 'I am straight, and I don't want any gay people to touch me.' At which point, I told him 'you're leaving.' He said, 'do you know who I am?' I said, 'I don't know, and I don't even want to know who you think you are.'

Then he said, 'try me.' I said 'watch me'. I called over to security and had him hauled away without his feet even touching the floor. Then someone explained to me that this is the ex boyfriend of Calvin Klein, Nick Gruber, who just 'came out' as 'straight.'"

Not surprisingly, Nick’s agent released a different version: “Nick was the guest of Hal Rubenstein and David Nichols and wasn't familiar with how these mass events work in terms of ‘areas’ and VIP areas. Nick overreacted when he was told to leave one area. He is sending a private apology to Mr. Lucas. It was Nick’s first time at Fire Island, and he was glad to be there with several friends and support the cause.”

He.Wasn’t.Familiar.With.Parties.Hosted.By.Gay.Porn.Directors?

On Fire-Freaking-Island?

Oh Nicky, you’re queer, dear. Get used to it.

And you’re also an idiot.

Kate Gosselin has officially jumped the shark; not literally, though, sad to say.

While she might be one of the most hated “reality” stars ever—only superseded by her Ed Hardy wearing, sleeping with teenage girls, ex-husband Jon—she has seemingly lost what little she has left of her mind.

Now she’s accusing her ex of being some kind of superspy who broke into her home and tapped her phones and stole her computer hard drive and accessed all of her accounts and then gave all the info to a nasty man, Robert Hoffman, who wrote a book called Kate Gosselin: How She Fooled The World. And she’s suing Jon because, well, she doesn’t have a job and no one wants to see her raggedy ass on TV.

Her suit ALLEGES: “After the couple was separated, Jon illegally hacked into Kate’s email account and her phone and bank accounts … Jon also stole a hard drive from Kate’s house, which contained private and confidential material. Jon then gave them the contents of Kate’s email account and the hard drive, all of which were acquired illegality, to his friend and business partner, tabloid reporter Robert Hoffman [who] used the illegally acquired data to publish a defamatory book about Kate.”

Seriously Kate?

Gosselin. Jon Gosselin. Doesn’t have the ring of Bond to it.

So, Beyoncé’s a big old diva. I mean, we know about her penchant for $500 straws and red toilet paper, but now she’s taken her diva-tude further asking that certain areas in venues where she performs be off limits to anyone but her.

That’s ALLEGEDLY what she did at V Festival last weekend, according to Travis frontman Fran Healy. The Glasgow band was on the same bill as Queen B as in Bitch and Fran says she turned parts of the backstage area into a no-go zone: “Beyoncé locked down the entire backstage area for an hour. Everyone was affected. You’d ask ‘Can I just go there?’ and they’d say ‘No. You can’t cross this little street’. Everyone was just following orders from the gang. I guess that’s how Americans do it but it’s not how we do it in the UK.”

And, he adds, “She was headlining the main stage and was half an hour late.

In addition, Beyoncé refused to let V Festival live stream her performance because she’s afraid of more Ugly Man Face pictures of herself being on the internet; you know, the ones where she makes those hideous faces while she grunts and, ALLEGELDY, sings?

Alec Baldwin and his wife, the fabulously named Hilaria, recently welcomed their baby into the Baldwin family, but being a new daddy hasn’t mellowed the pissy little TV star.

Walking on a street in NYC this week, Baldwin began shrieking at a photographer and accusing him of stalking Hilaria. Alec attacked the guy and bent him over a car and started hollering at him and now the NYPD is involved.

The photographer, after being assaulted by Baldwin, called the police to lodge a complaint and police have spoken to both sides, who now want to whole thing to go away.

I can understand Baldwin wanting it to go away, because it’s just another in a long string of violent behavior and verbal abuse he hurls at anyone he doesn’t like, but I wish just once a photographer would follow through.

I mean, if Baldwin hates having photographers trail him, imagine how many would be waiting outside the police station after he’s arrested.