This'n'That

Was that the longest weekend or what?

I feel like it's been ages since I've been at work--not that I'm complaining--and am relishing the idea of a shortened work week ahead. Hoo--followedquickyby--Ray!

I had a lovely talk with my sister this weekend. She underwent her first round of chemo last week, without that nausea, though with a bit of fatigue. But, I will say this, she has an undeniable spirit, though she knows what lies ahead, and an extreme amount of positive energy coming at her from all directions. So, whatever the future holds for her, at this minute, it all seems very bright and very positive and that’s all any of us can do, is to live now and not later and not before.

Carlos and I went to see the new Star Trek Into Darkness this weekend. What a great rollercoaster ride. Sure, there were a lot of special effects, but there was also story, and some real laughs. I grew up with these characters so the reboot I especially like because they aren’t drastically changing everything.

One thing I would change? Bring a muzzle next time to put on Carlos. Seriously, I love the previews almost as much as I love the movie, and while the previews were playing--after about thirty or forty ads asking folks to be quiet and silence their cell phones--Carlos muttered, well, nearly shouted, 'How many commercials before we see the movie?'

I almost sent him into a time-out.

Jody Arias.

End the trial already. Put her in prison for life without parole ad stop wasting taxpayer money with the empanelling of a new jury and more dollars and more time wasted.

She did it. She said she did it. She was found guilty. Lock her up, throw away the key, and then also cancel her Twitter account. I'd prefer never to see or hear, or hear of her, again.

You all know that I loves me some gossip, and I loves to make fun of those so-called celebrities. But, I have had some questions and requests about why I don't talk about Amanda Bynes anymore. Here's the deal:

I think she has mental issues, and that's not funny.

I think she has problems with drugs and that’s not funny.

So, though I have gossiped about her before, when it became clear, after her move to New York and subsequent antics, that she is not all right, I won't be gossiping about her.

But, you say, Bob, you have no problem going on and on, and some say on, about Lohan. Well, here's that deal:

Lindsay is a criminal.

She kidnapped a woman.

She stole a necklace.

She has taken clothes from fashion shoots and TV shows and continues to do so.

She has rehabbed seven times and fallen off the wagon six times.

Plus, unlike Bynes, Lindsay seems to be all there, and takes absolutely no responsibility for anything she does. There is always an excuse and always a side-step. So, I will continue featuring Lohan because Lohan will continue to be a screw-up.

The weekend was lovely in Smallville, with Monday being the hottest day, and it was just 85-degrees. So, of course, there was yard work, with leaves being raked, and raked, and raked again, onto the front lawn and then mulched up by the new riding mower. I filled six 75-gallon bags of mulched leaves, and will probably do another six, or more, this next weekend.

While I was on lawn and leaf patrol, Carlos was on gutter duty. We bought some of those sponge-thingies that you line the gutters with and they really keep the leaves and twigs and pine needles out of the gutters, while still allowing rain water to be captured.

Still, the gutter need to be brushed off every so often, but it's still a lot less dirty and time-consuming than cleaning those %@&$ing things out!

To reward ourselves, we grilled out both Sunday and Monday, with chicken, grilled veggies and black-bean-and-pasts salad both nights, and a gorgeous, g-o-r-g-e-o-u-s bottle of El Gran Pensado Albarinho from Spain. I will be keeping that label because I need to buy that wine by the truckload. It's a perfect crisp, but peachy wine, just fine for a summer day's sipping.

And here's a little something my Dad sent my way:

Psychology 101

If you start with a cage containing 5 monkeys and inside the cage, hang a banana on a string from the top and place a set of stairs under the banana, before long a monkey will go to the stairs and climb toward the banana.

As soon as he touches the stairs, you spray all the other monkeys with cold water.

After a while another monkey makes an attempt with same result ... all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, put the cold water away. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one.

The new monkey sees the banana and attempts to climb the stairs. To his shock, all of the other monkeys beat the crap out of him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys, replacing it with a new one.

The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment...... with enthusiasm, because he is now part of the "team".

Then, replace a third original monkey with a new one, followed by the fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked.

Now, the monkeys that are beating him up have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs. Neither do they know why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

Finally, having replaced all of the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys will have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, not one of the monkeys will try to climb the stairway for the banana.

Why, you ask? Because in their minds...that is the way it has always been! This, my friends, is how Congress operates... and this is why, from time to time:

ALL of the monkeys need to be REPLACED AT THE SAME TIME.

Now, how was your weekend?

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

I didn’t talk about the Frank Ocean-Chris Brown dust-up over a parking space last week because, well, Chris Brown in a brawl isn’t really news, it’s just Chris Brown. Then there’s the notion that Ocean didn’t want to press charges, he simply wanted to move on. Ocean takes the high road, while Brown resorts to the ‘I was high’ road.’ But then, Brown may not have much say in what’s coming.

The L.A. County District Attorney has filed legal documents claiming Chris Brown violated his probation—the probation he received for beating Rihanna because she looked at his phone—by submitting bogus community service records. In one instance, Brown claims he was picking up trash—No, not Rihanna—on a roadside in Virginia when he was actually private jetting to Cancun. Sidenote: how do I get that community service?

Bryan Norwood, Richmond, Virginia, Police Chief, stated last September that Brown had successfully completed 202 days of community service—though he was only required to perform 180 which shows how fake the whole thing was….I mean who does more than the court-ordered days of service? Norwood attached documents showing that Brown frequently worked at Tappahannock Children’s Center—where Brown’s mom was once a director—doing things like painting, washing windows, waxing floors, cutting grass and picking up trash.

But, the Richmond PD admits they only monitored brown on 9 or 10 of those ALLEGED 202 days, and all other days he was left unsupervised. Chris Brown? Unsupervised? Fudge his community service? Why that sounds like a guy who would beat his girlfriend over a phone, and punch another man over a parking space.

The D.A. calls Chris’ documentation “at best sloppy and at worst fraudulent reporting” and is asking the judge to reject Chris’ ALLEGED Virginia community service hours and make him fulfill his obligation in L.A. County. The D.A. is also saying there are other possible probation violations, including:

• The Frank Ocean fight at the recording studio
• Brown testing positive for pot
• Failing to obtain a travel permit
• Allegedly grabbing and throwing a fan’s phone in Miami
• Throwing a chair through a window at “Good Morning America”

Hopefully brown will be punished for his violations and not get Lohan’d into no punishment at all.

It’s been a while since we’ve heard from Lohan 2.0™, AKA Amanda Bynes, and it could be because she’s been keeping the crazy on the down-low or Original Recipe Lohan™ has cranked the wacky up a notch.

Now comes news that Bynes is moving because, well, she loves pot and her landlord doesn’t.

Sources at the apartment—and if Dina lived there you know it’d be her—say Bynes got a letter from building management earlier this month explaining that her lease would be terminated because she’s a building nuisance.

Management ALLEGEDLY  made the decision after getting several complaints of marijuana smoke coming from her apartment—“morning, noon and night”—in addition to complaints that Bynes was Tokin’ In The Hallway.

And now it seems that Bynes has decided to move voluntarily, though she has asked for help with her, um, plants.

Donuts provided to those willing to help.

Now, for Gaga, AKA Gag.

The New York Post has the story about Gag being sued by her former assistant over non-payment of over-time and some other stuff, but that isn’t the issue. What’s interesting are the things that Gag is saying ….

Still, let’s dish the deets:  Jennifer O’Neill, Gag assistant, is suing Gaga for $393,000, plus damages, for what she claims is 7,168 hours unpaid overtime; she was paid $75,000 a year to help Gag.

Note to self: look for that ad on Craig’s list.

But let’s get on to the direct quotes from the Gag herself, in her sworn deposition:

 “She’s just — she thinks she’s just like the queen of the universe …. And, you know what, she didn’t want to be a slave to one, because in my work and what I do, I’m the queen of the universe every day.”

“This whole case is bulls–t, and you know it.”

The Gag did concede, under questioning, her decision not to pay overtime wasn’t based on labor laws, but is “actually based on a bubbly, good heart.”

See, she doesn’t pay overtime because, and again, direct quotes: “I’m quite wonderful to everybody that works for me, and I am completely aghast to what a disgusting human being that you have become to sue me like this …. [She] slept in Egyptian cotton sheets every night, in five-star hotels, on private planes, eating caviar, partying with Terry Richardson all night, wearing my clothes, asking YSL to send her free shoes without my permission, using my YSL discount without my permission…”

Gag—who now has two personal assistants—said a good assistant “is somebody that can anticipate what you need before you need it, so they buy it for you, or they—they set it up for you.”

But Gag said O’Neill failed at even the most basic of tasks:

 “She would only open a couple of bags, and it was very stressful for me because then again on my off days I couldn’t really have a day off because, you know, I weigh 115 pounds, and I was trying to move these huge, big luggages all by myself in the room, and I did it all the time—by the way, she was asleep until 12:00 most of the time, so I was very often waking up and moving my own luggage and doing s–t by myself, and it was—it was a problem that I had.”

Gag moved her own bags? And the universe didn’t implode?

So, again, why didn’t she pay overtime?

Gag insists her employees work only an eight-hour day—noting: “This job is a 9-to-5 job that is spaced out throughout the day…”

Uh huh. Maybe I should rethink scanning Craig’s List looking for Gag Helper.

Now, for some Lindsay Lohan and Lady Gaga.

It seems they hung out together while Lindsay was making her porn debut with James Deen, and that gaga, because she doesn’t pay her assistants overtime and had some extra cash, offered to settle Lohan’s outstanding bill at the Chateau Marmont.

Lindsay turned her down because she, um, got down on her hands and knees and, um, begged, yeah, begged Marmont owner Andre Balazs to forgive the debt,. Or else she blackmailed  the producers of the craptastic Liz & Dick to cough up her booze and ciggies money.

It might be a good thing, because a few months after hanging out, Gaga noticed a pair of earrings missing and then found a TwitPic of Lindsay wearing the earrings.

Yes, Sticky Fingers Lohan struck again.

Gaga tweeted to Lohan “ummmm are those my earrings??? this is awkward…:)”

The earrings ALLEGEDLY went back, which is why Lindsay got up the courage to ask Gaga for a loan of half-a-million dollars for her back rent, her ever-increasing lawyer bills, and, just sayin’, maybe a huge debt to her prescription med peddler.

Gaga is not stupid, and didn’t even respond to Lohan; she had her people shut it down.

A source close to Lohan—and you know it’s Dina because she could use some of that excess Gaga cash—says, “Gaga said that she just can’t help, but gave no explanation. Lindsay was especially hurt Lady G sent the message through one of her people – instead of picking up the phone and telling her directly. Lindsay was really counting on Gaga’s loan to get her back on her feet, but she’ll have to look elsewhere for a bailout.”

Bailout? Now that’s funny.

At this point, I think John Travolta’s reputation as a happily married heterosexual male, or even as someone who engages in consensual sex, is pretty much shot.

I mean, how many guys have to come forward with tales of Travolta groping, and tales of being shown Travolta’s tail?  There’s only so much denying and attacking his lawyer can do, especially given this latest setback in GroperGate.

This case involves a cruise ship employee who accuses Travolta of requesting a massage on board in 2009, and then accosting him for sex, basically. When the man protested, Travolta offered $12,000 for his silence, which he refused. Travolta’s lawyer tried to have the case dismissed—which failed—and then argued that it should go to arbitration, as per the fine print on Travolta’s cruise ticket, though the request was denied by a judge.

This means this could go to trial. Someone get me Nancy Grace.
UPDATE: Now coems word that the parties have settled out of court, meaning .... big payout .... HUGE.

click to emBIGGERate Beyonce's, um, fierce ness?

We all saw Beyoncé at the Super Bowl wriggling and shaking and tossing, and generally stomping around the stage whilst singing occasionally. And some people—not this people—raved and cheered and called it the Second Coming.

But then the stills of Beyoncé performing began hitting the ‘net and suddenly she was more frightening then fearless.

And then angry. See, Beyoncé's publicist contacted BuzzFeed—who posted some of the less flattering pictures online—and requested that the ugly shots be removed, but, um, BuzzFeed won’t take them down.

This past Tuesday BuzzFeed received an email from Beyoncé's publicist politely asking that all ugly pictures of Missus Jay Z be destroyed:

Thanks for taking my call. As discussed, there are some unflattering photos on your current feed that we are respectfully asking you to change. I am certain that you will be able to find some better photos.http://www.buzzfeed.com/lyapalater/the-fiercest-moments-from-beyonces-halftime-showThe worst are #5, 6, 10, 11, 12, 19 and 22.Thank you very much.Yvette

Obviously, someone at Beyoncé International thinks they can control any and all pictures that get out there of The Great One in performance, so, be forewarned, if you can her Highness in concert, and happen to snap a shot that she don’t like, her minions will swoop down on you.

Grrl don’t play. 

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