Vacation Post: Boycott Makes Kraft Even Zestier

Companies have been using sex to sell everything from toothpaste to motor oil for decades, though it used to be that the ads featured mostly nubile young women looking all sexy and bendy and stuff.

But now one company, Kraft, has taken a new approach and is suing a hot male model, Anderson Davis — often shirtless with a hint of nudity — to sell salad dressing, in Kraft's new Let's Get Zesty ad campaign.

And these ads naturally struck the nerve of One Million Moms, AKA More Like 58,000 Moms, who began urging their minions followers to boycott Kraft because of their "offensive" campaign.

But, a funny thing happened on the way to the boycott; The OMM, AKA the ML58,000M, actually generated so much interest in ads—which had already run their course—that Kraft decided to keep the campaign going.

In the new campaign, the Zesty Guy poses on a tennis court, on a mechanical bull, out picking fruit, lounging on the beach, and buried in the sand. In other words, the undressed salad dressing dude can take the heat but still got out of the kitchen.

Kinda makes me wanna toss my salad.

Thanks OMM, AKA ML58,000M!

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Random Musings

This week Pope Francis lamented about the “gay lobby” that was at work at the Vatican in private remarks to the leadership of a key Latin American church group.

In related news, I can confirm that the sun rose in the east this morning.

Up there in the big city, New York City, residents of a certain building are living in fear for their lives and have filed suit to stop a …. Wait for it …. Denny’s restaurant from opening in their building.’

The condo board at 150 Nassau St. has portrayed, ahem, cough cough, “America’s diner” as unfit for their upscale address—where a 3-bedroom unit recently sold for $3.5 million. The suit contends Denny’s restaurants are a “haven for violence, disorderly conduct, and alcohol-drenched patrons.”

Your point? I mean, if I had a nickel for every time I was drunk and disorderly in a Denny’s I could’a bought that three million dollar condo.

Just sayin’.

Without a single landslide, earthquake, or volcanic eruption, more than 2,400 gay and lesbian couples have gotten married in Washington state since the state’s voter-approved same-sex marriage law took effect last December.

According to the Department of Health:

—Same-sex marriages occurred in 35 of the state’s 39 counties

—Same-sex marriages represented more than 20 percent of the 11,661 marriages that took place during that same period of time.

—King County had the highest number of same-sex marriages, with 1,321.

—63% of same-sex marriages were female couples.

—14% of the weddings were for couples who had traveled to Washington state from other states.

And, like I said, Washington is still standing.

Wildwood, New Jersey Mayor Ernest Troiano Jr. thinks he's found a way to put one of the town's problems, um, for lack of a better word, behind it.

He is set to ban, ban, BAN overly saggy pants; no ifs, ands or butts. The city is set to pass yet another law regulating how people dress on its boardwalk; it already bans shirtless folks, and shoeless folks, and now, baggy drawered folks, too.

But who determines the amount of acceptable sag? Well, apparently the rule will be pants that sag more than 3 inches below the hips, exposing either skin or underwear.

I think I might have found my calling: Saggy Pant Measurer.

Troiano said:  "When you have good families who call you up and say, 'I've been coming here 20 years, 30 years, 40 years and I'm not going to any longer because I'm not going to subject my children or my parents or grandparents to seeing some kid walk down the boardwalk with their butt hanging out,' you have to do something," he said. "I'm not one of the Fruit of the Loom underwear inspectors; I'm not one of the grapes. I don't want to see it."

I’m.Not.One.Of.The.Grapes?

LeAnn Rimes is all over TV plugging her newest album, and talking about her marriage to Eddie Cibrian, whom she met and f**ked while they were both married to other people.

She said that, while it was hard … hee hee hard …. She admitted to her family and her husband at the time, that she had made the mistake of cheating.

Really LeAnn? I know you’re a songwriter, but now you’re also a history re-writer?

Your ‘admission’ of infidelity came when the tabloids began publishing pictures of you and the married-to-someone-else-too Eddie getting’ all snoggy at an LA coffee shop. This makes one think that if you hadn’t gotten caught, you never would have admitted a thing. Then she goes on to say that she trusts Eddie, and he trusts her.

Two people who screwed around on their spouses trust one another.

I.Laugh. And then I ask LeAnn to STFU.

And, since we’ve already discussed same-sex marriage in Washington, let’s look at some good news out of California.

A new poll in the LA Times reveals that 58% of the state's registered voters believe same-sex marriage should be legal, compared with 36% against. Just three years ago, the numbers were 52% in favor and 40% against.

It’s gonna happen people.

So, there’s this thing called a Purity Ball, where fathers get to take their virgin daughters:

Dads, escort your daughter to an unforgettable event where hundreds of young ladies dressed in formal attire and their dashing fathers will celebrate purity! This extraordinary evening includes an elegant atmosphere, pictures, gourmet dinner and dessert, flowers, music and other surprises sure to delight both father and daughter. Legacy’s President and popular speaker, Carrie Abbott, will deliver a unique message to dads and daughters and our Master of Ceremonies will facilitate a purity covenant.

Yeah, whatever, but ….

What’s funny is the price: $69. Yes, fathers and daughters and 69. Seriously, did know one at Purity Central think maybe they should have changed that to $68.95?

Henry Cavill.

Super.Man.

I am not really big on the cartoon-cum-feature-film genre and usually wait to see them on TV, but there’s something about Henry that I just can’t put my finger on which makes me wanna see this one of the big peen, er, screen.

I wish I could put my finger on it. Hell, I’d need both hands.

Ever made a mistake at work? I have. My first mistake was taking the job. I kid.

But this guy, over there to Germany, made the most amazing mistake ever.

The man, an employee of a German bank, was in the middle of transferring 62.40 euros from a customer’s bank account when he fell asleep at the keyboard and his head mashed the number 2 key, turning that 62.40 transfer into one of 222,222,222.22 euros, AKA $300 million!

And I thought I had f**ked up on occasion!

Speaking of millions, the group One Million Moms—which, according to their Facebook page, actually number in the 56,000 range, but Fifty-Six Thousand Moms doesn’t sound so powerful—is going after Kraft foods for that ad right there:

‘Last week's issue of People Magazine had the most disgusting ad on the inside front cover that we have ever seen Kraft produce. A full 2-page ad features a n*ked man lying on a picnic blanket with only a small portion of the blanket barely covering his g*nitals. It is easy to see what the ad is really selling. A person has to look closely to see the item the company is marketing because the salad dressing bottle is so small next to the male model, picnic basket and other food items. There is also a small Kraft logo in the upper corners with the words "Silverware Optional - Let's Get Zesty." The website getmezesty.com is listed in the bottom corner.

Kraft has gone too far and will push away loyal, conservative customers with this new ad campaign. Christians will not be able to buy Kraft dressings or any of their products until they clean up their advertising. The consumers they are attempting to attract - women and mothers - are the very ones they are driving away. Who will want Kraft products in their fridge or pantry if this vulgarity is what they represent? One Million Moms cannot get over the gall of this company. It is unnecessary for Kraft to use s*x to sell salad dressing!’

PS the little asterisks in the words naked and sex and genitals are there because, as the OMM says, their word can get out against browsers that filter against those words.

Or, because OMM gets all hot-n-bothered typing naked sex genitals.

Hillary’s on Twitter y’all, and her first Tweet was to the guys who created the Texts from Hillary craze. I can’t wait till she’s President.

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Random Musings .... Delayed from Yesterday

First off, it might seem gauche to some, but my sister would love that I used a logo  from The Big C for this post.

Secondly, but more importantly, thanks for all the good wishes, thoughts and positive energy regarding my sister's cancer diagnosis.

She is in a much better place in her head today. She works at the hospital where she's being treated so she knows her doctor--and loves her doctor, and knows the team of nurses as well. All this helps keep a positive attitude.

Today she is having a biopsy to determine more about the mass. Through tears and sobs yesterday, I thought she said the cancer was in her leg, but it appears it's in her lymph nodes.

Later today we'll know more, but I just wanted to say thanks for the positive energy.

Thanks Delaware.

I admit I am a Cher queen, but even I was leery of the Lifetime Special, Dear Mom, Love Cher, because I thought it would be a cheesy televised Mother’s Day card to Georgia Holt, Cher’s 86-year-old, and still gorgeous mother.

Turns out I was wrong.

Georgia was, is, one of those people who’ve lead an amazing life; done all sorts of things, been married six times and yet her most successful relationship has been with a man she chose not to wed.

All kinds of great stories in the show, but my favorite was when Georgia Holt’s agent sent her on an audition for a film and told her that she needed to pad her bra because the producers were looking for a little va-va-voom.

So, she padded, and off she went. The audition went well, and she got the part. But a week went by and she hadn’t heard from the production, so she called her agent and asked why.

‘They went with another girl.’

‘But you said I got the part.’

‘Well, they liked this other girl better. Do you know her? Marilyn Monroe?’

It was an audition for The Asphalt Jungle, Marilyn’s first big role.

But, you gotta wonder what it might have done for Georgia Holt. Would we know her today as Cher’s mom, or would we know Cher as Georgia’s daughter?

I also get a giggle from the One Million Moms [OMM] mainly because, according to their Facebook page, their numbers are closer to 50,000. But I mostly giggle because they boycott everything, and everyone. For a while it was JC Penneys and Ellen DeGeneres, and now it Norelco and ‘manscaping’:

The new Norelco commercial goes beyond a close facial shave to body grooming well below the chest and back. This commercial went WAY TOO FAR! During the commercial, it shows a man trimming hair in different areas of his body. Toward the end, it shows him standing with his boxer shorts down with hair falling to the floor as he uses the hair trimmer. It is implied that he is shaving in his private area. The dialogue in the ad is equally offensive. "I'd wink at me; I'd hug me," he says. Then he looks in the mirror, admires himself, and says, "I'd F*** me." The F-word is bleeped out. But then they display their website, www.IdFAQme.com. This is clearly a play on the F-word. The excuse Philips Norelco gave by phone was equally dismissive, saying, "We are trying to reach a certain audience and would pass along these concerns." Their response isn't good enough. The ad shouldn't run at any time. It is not only inappropriate for children; it is offensive to adults also. The company's response to people's concerns is in poor taste.

The OMM really needs to get a sense of humor. And, well, about 950,000 more Moms.

So, the jury is Arizona found Jody Arias guilty of First Degree murder for killing her boyfriend by shooting him in the head and the stabbing him so many times she nearly cut off his head.

Good. Bye.

But, in the instant after the verdict was read, Jody Arias gave an interview to Fox News and said she hopes she gets the death penalty because death would be like freedom.

Now, as I posted HERE, I am staunchly anti-death penalty and she’s the perfect example. She gets what she calls her ‘freedom’ because she’ll be dead, so wouldn’t the greatest punishment of all be to send her away for life, without hope of parole EVER, and let her stew in a cell all day every day because she murdered someone?

I hope the jury gives her life, and I hope she has a long one, filled with regrets.

Out there in Minnesota the legislature appears poised to legalize same-sex marriage. The Democratic Speaker of the House said that a marriage equality bill, endorsed by the governor and likely to pass in the state Senate also now has enough backing in his chamber.

The House will vote on the measure today, and if it passes, the Democratic-led Senate could vote on it as soon as Saturday. The Senate’s 73-member Democratic majority will produce at least the 68 votes needed to pass the bill.

C’mon Minnesota, be # 12!

UPDATE: It passed! On to the Senate and then the Governor's desk!

The New Yorker salutes 'Mothers' Day' on its upcoming cover with cover art by illustrator Chris Ware, who says:

Now that the numbers are in on same-sex marriage, many Republicans are falling like dominos all over themselves to express their support for something that only a few months ago they steadfastly claimed to stand against. They’ll probably soon claim that this is how they felt all along, and they were simply too hamstrung by politics to be able to say what they really meant.

Well, okay. In the spirit of openheartedness and what life is really all about, I’ll go so far as to say that the fear of others may mask some deep-seated desire to understand, and maybe even to love. Because really, what is there to be afraid of?

Few people today don’t know—or have in their families—at least one loving couple who are raising children, same-sex or not. And it’s really just the loving part that matters. That same-sex marriage could go from its preliminary draft of “diagnosable” to the final edit of “so what?” must indicate some positive evolution on the part of the larger human consciousness.

My wife, being a biology teacher, puts it even more succinctly: “Why are all these people so worried about who everybody else is sleeping with, anyway?” (Score two for Moms.)

Happy Mother’s Day to all Moms, the two Mom families, the one Mom families, and the Mons in the Mom and Dad families.

Zachary Quinto at the Met Ball this week.

I have had a crush on him before I knew he was gay, though I do have a question, Zachary.

Does the carpet match the drapes?

I saw this on Joe.My.God. and he saw it on Boy Culture:

Manhunt reports that "Hey Guys" is the most popular profile header in all but one state. That one exception is Connecticut, where "Looking For A Top" is most frequently used.

Apparently all the bottoms live in Connecticut.

So, three cheers for the Cleveland hero, Charles Ramsey.

You know, the guy that helped rescue the three girls who’d been kidnapped and held in a house for the last ten years.

I love a good story.

What I don’t love, though, is how, now, the media is searching for every detail of Charles Ramsey’s life, especially the dirt, and are gleefully reporting it.

Isn’t it enough that he helped those girls escape? Why do we build someone up as a hero and then instantly begin to tear him down.

I, myself, am avoiding the negative press and focusing on the positive.

Thanks Mister Ramsey. You are a hero because you’re just a regular guy that did an exceptional thing.

Oh GOP voters in South Carolina.

Look what you’ve done to the rest of the country because you’re too locked in to voting Republican. Seriously, I don’t wanna hear one complaint from you when he screws up again and again and again and again and ….

Carolyn Moos, you know, the woman who was engaged to formerly closeted Jason Collins? The woman who then took her story to the media and talked about how she didn’t know and never suspected and maybe he lied to her and blahblahblah?

That girl?

Now she plans on writing a book about her relationship with Collins and is soliciting questions from the public so she can answer them in print and make a nice tidy profit off her ALLEGED embarrassment.

I have a question, Carolyn: why don’t you shut up? Why don’t you take the high road and not try to score a payday off your personal life?

Coming out is a struggle that all gay folks face, and some of us do it early on, and some of try and try and try to fit into what society tells us we should.

That’s what Jason did; he struggled. In fact, he says, of your relationship: “When I was younger I dated women. I even got engaged. I thought I had to live a certain way. I thought I needed to marry a woman and raise kids with her. I kept telling myself the sky was red, but I always knew it was blue.”

And you want to profit off of it.

Seriously, shut up.

Lots of Gays have had a crush on Zac Efron for years.

Not me.

I thought he looked a little too pretty [read: girly] when he was younger and then he went through a face where he looked a little steroid-y.

Then I saw that picture.

Um, I’m on board now.

I will now admit that I have been watching American Idol this season, mostly because of wack-a-doodle Nicki Minaj and all her craziness that I love. I still giggle at the time that she and Mariah were having a slight disagreement and Nicki said, to Mariah, “Simmer down, sir.”

But, more than Nicki, I watch because of Candice Glover, and not just because she’s from South Carolina. It’s because she’s a beautiful woman with an incredible voice and last night, her rendition of ‘Somewhere’ brought tears to my eyes.

If she doesn’t win this thing, well, then I might go Nicki on yo asses.

TWEET OF THE WEEK:

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Random Musings

Well, my brief stint at Jury Duty ended earlier today. A lovely case of assault at a wedding reception AKA Just another day in South Carolina.

I'm just thankful no one was shot.

I love those Jacksons; they’re a wacky bunch. Remember when Janet got married, only we didn’t know she was married until she filed for divorce? Yeah, well, she’s kinda done that again, by getting married last year to some entrepreneurial kinda guy.

Why so secretive Janet? Is it about Control? Who knows? Still, she doesn’t take the Crazy Jackson Antics Award this time. No, this time it goes to Jermaine.

He has legally changed his name from Jermaine Jackson to Jermaine Jacksun. I know! From now on, remember to pronounce it correctly: it’s not Jackson it’s Jacksun.  Subtle, no?

A court commissioner signed off on the 58-year-old singer’s petition today, officially making him Jermaine LaJuane Jacksun. Still, Mister Jacksun has no official comment, but a spokesman said, way back when Jackson filed in November to change his name that it was a “personal choice” and “not a big deal.”

Well, that’s true; changing none’s name is a personal choice and it’s no big deal because, well, Jermaine Jackson and Jermaine Jacksun are over.

Inching closer and closer, the Illinois House Executive Committee tonight advanced SB-10, or the Religious Freedom and Marriage Fairness Act, or as I call it, the It's About Time Act, passed by the Senate last week, in a 6-5 vote.

The bill now proceeds to the full House, and if passed, Governor Pat Quinn has said he will sign it.
Get it done, please. Let's keep those equality states growing.

Madge has got a brand new, um, face. See, that's Old Madonna, there on the left, and Madonna With A New Look, AKA Lifted, Tucked, Botoxed, Peeled, and Filled, on the right.

How does she stay so young?

Aalaya Walker, an 18-year-old Florida woman, is lucky to be alive this week after her friend’s stove went on a shooting rampage inside her home.

See, Walker was visiting JJ Sandy, a friend, in St. Petersburg when they decided they wanted some late-night waffles. Walker began preheating the oven—unaware that Sandy was storing a magazine from his .45-caliber Glock 21 inside.

The magazine exploded, spraying casing fragments at high speed and striking Walker. She managed to pick some of the fragments out of her leg and chest and then took a bus to the hospital, where she was treated and released.

It’s like I’ve been saying for years, ‘Guns don’t kill people. Ovens kill people.’

So, season three of American Horror Story, right?

Something witchy this way comes, and it's bringing back the fabulous Jessica Lange!

And now we get the news that none other than Kathy Bates [Misery] will be on board.

Seriously. Bates'n'Lange.

It doesn't get much better.

Those wacky One Million Moms are at it again.

The group—with numbers about 950,000 shy of a million—are targeting Geico for its latest commercial that features a talking pig.

Now, the OMM aren’t against talking pigs, per se, but are annoyed by this particular Porcine Orator.  See, in the Geico commercial, the pig and his female, human, date are parked on Lover’s Lane and that’s what has the OMM’s Granny Pants in a twist.

See, they think that the talking pig and the human girl date are promoting bestially, and have released a statement:

Geico has succeeded in offending its customers with this inappropriate advertisement. One Million Moms has received numerous complaints because Geico's new commercial plays with the idea of bestiality. Parents find this type of advertising repulsive and unnecessary. Airing a commercial with an animal in it will surely grab children's attention, but this is a horrible commercial for families to see. Geico does not have our children's best interest in mind. The Geico Marketing Team may have thought this would be humorous, but it is disgusting to see how the company takes lightly the act of bestiality. Let Geico know their new ad is irresponsible.

I wonder how many of these kids even knew what bestiality was before the OMM took their crazy public?

Tweet of the Week!

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