I Ain't One To Gossip But .....

I don’t know how she does it, but Lindsay Lohan has crack-hustled her way out of the Betty Ford Center.

Now, she isn’t on the streets and endangering all of us with her wack driving, because she just switched up the BFC for Cliffside rehab in Malibu.

Yay! Beach parties and booze, and, possibly, more of her beloved Adderall.

What is irksome is that the rehab switcheroo is AOK with the courts. Seriously. Um, judge? Why not make her stick it out in one place and maybe actually get some real help rather than listening to her midnight sobs about no ADD meds and then letting her leave?

But they all say Betty Ford is better suited for a 30-day program, which Lohan has completed—then why put her there is the first place?—and she’d be better off completing the remainder of her 90-day sentence at a new place.

I thought rehab was where you went to get well, not where you went for a vacation until you got bored and then checked out and went somewhere else. This is part of her punishment, no? This is a criminal sentence, no?

Apparently not for Lindsay.

So, Matthew Morrison. The is-he-or-isn’t-he gay star of Glee. I remember when there were photos of him ALLEGEDLY kissing another man but he says there weren’t him and so …

That’s the most exciting thing about Matthew Morrison. See, he’s boring. Coma inducing boring. And he proves it himself by the things he says.

Matthew Morrison, on the last time he was nervous:

"I'm back in New York for a while, and I guess I'm nervous about the subway. I just want to make sure I still remember how to get around. I got lost yesterday, and it was nerve-racking trying to be the great New Yorker that I once was." 

Wow. That shaved some much needed seconds off my life.

Matthew Morrison, on how he over-eats:

"Last night I broke down and got a Reese's and ate both cups. I try not to have too much sugar, but every now and then you just have to get nasty. That and Almond Joy are my go-tos." 

Dear God! Both cups!!?! I think someone needs to see a shrink about all that binge eating.

Matthew Morrison, on getting angry at IKEA:

"Two days ago at IKEA in Brooklyn. I have a small apartment, and we are redoing it, and it's hard to find smaller furniture. We were shopping for a couch, and I was very short with people because no one was helping us. I didn't go off; I just got quiet. I never lose my cool."

So, he didn’t get angry, he got quiet. Now, if he would just stay that way.

Matthew Morris …. Yawn.

Poor Justine Bieber, he cannot have it all :::foot stomp pout::::.

While he might be ready to fly in space—let’s hope that comes true—and getting tattooed, and getting hit with another paternity suit, but one thing Little Miss JB cannot do?

Get into Lure nightclub in Hollywood.

It seems Justine tried to sneak into Lure during their Toxic Luau Beach Day party but was turned away at the door because he wasn’t old enough. Or was it tall enough? No, that’s at Disney where he can’t ride space Mountain because he doesn’t stand taller than Mickey’s outstretched arm.

A source—and you know it’s Selena Gomez—says, “Someone from Justin’s team had come earlier in the day and told the club that he would be showing up. The club told him they wouldn’t let him in because he’s not 21. Bieber came anyways and tried to sneak in through a back door.”

I will refrain from Justin Bieber getting in the back door; or even getting it in the back door.

See, just as his bodyguard was carrying him inside, rapper Game gave him a shout out from the stage and security saw him and then carried Justine and the bodyguard out the way they came.

I think the kid is still outside the door throwing a tantrum.

So, back to Lindsay, who continues to enthrall, even when she’s transferring rehabs.

Why, you might wonder, did she leave the Betty Ford Center? And what did they think of the cracktress?

Well, she was a raging diva bitch who refused to do anything that was asked of her, so the staff at the BFC couldn’t wait to see her leave; in fact, I bet it was the staff who suggested she get the eff outta there.

A source—Brooke Mueller, Charlie Sheen’s ex, from a room down the hall where she’s attempting her 27th rehab stay—says, “Lindsay skipped group therapy, she refused to go for several days [because ] she thought people were giving out information on her. That was her excuse.”

But skipping group therapy was just the start.

“She was making life hell for those around her every day. Lindsay was demanding her Adderall, which she was not given. But she kept demanding it and was highly disruptive.”

In fact, before a deal was struck to let Lindsay finish her 90 days in Malibu, rumor had it that Betty Ford was planning on kicking her skank ass to the curb.

It’s sad when your own doctors tell you they’ve had enough.

I expect Lindsay to skate through her remaining sixty days and then get arrested for drunk driving when she leaves Cliffside in August.

Now, onto to another diva bitch: Kanye West.

It seems Miss Kanye is fed up with being followed around by photographers, but, um, didn’t he think that would be an issue when he knocked up a woman who’s made a life of whoring herself out for publicity? Think much, Kanye? No, say nothing, I’m’a let you finish in a minute.

It seems Kanye—AKA Yeezus, or something—was walking around New York with his boys … read between the lines … when a photographer asked, from a distance because that bitch’ll swing on ya, “What’s good, Kanye?”

Kanye’s response: “DON’T ASK ME QUESTIONS, MAN!” 

So the photographer said goodbye, but then made a fatal error; he wished Kanye a happy birthday.

Kanye’s response: “ SHUT UP! DON’T EVER TALK!”

Funny, that’s what I say to Kanye.

Ah, Paltrow. Still talking.

She was everywhere for a few months, being named the Most Beautiful and the Most Hated in the same week, and getting all kinds of press for Iron Man and for being such a Kanye-West-Justine-Bieber diva bitch at the Met Gala.

Then she shut up and all was right with the world.

And now, I guess because she’s as over herself as the rest of the world, she’s been warning friends and business associates not to participate in an upcoming Vanity Fair article about her.

Rumor has it that Paltrow was set to collaborate on a cover story, but declined when she realized no one likes her. But, then VF said they would do the story without her, which you know means it’s not gonna be nice, but it is gonna be good, and Paltrow began issuing directives to her minions friends.

Friends? I kid. Friend.

So, this is odd, but when you consider it’s Jessica Simpson, it kinda makes sense.

Christopher Hurst and Tracy Gregory of Louisiana have filed a lawsuit against Jessica Simpson, OK! Magazine and Getty Images for using a picture of their child without asking for their permission.

See? That’s Christopher and Tracy’s baby right there on the cover of OK! Magazine looking absolutely terrified, because he’s in fear she’s gonna smother him with Ranch dressing and eat him.

It all started when Jessica did a meet-and-greet at a Dillard’s in Louisiana in 2011, Christopher took his teenage daughter to meet her, and also brought along his infant son, also named Christopher. While in line, two people told Christopher that he should get a private picture of Jessica and his baby son, so when he reached the front of the line, Hurst put his son on the table in front of Jessica.

A photographer from Getty immediately started clicking away, and never asked for permission from Hurst, and then six months later Christopher saw the picture of Jessica Simpson and his baby on a cover of OK! Magazine.

Christopher and Tracy Hurst’s lawsuit claims the picture is made to look like that of Simpson and her baby, and that Simpson was paid $800,000 by a different celebrity magazine for the first pictures of her baby and Christopher and Tracy got bupkis, nada, zip, zero.

Now, Christopher and Tracy want $75,000 in damages because they believe Simpson was in on the scheme and “knew that she would appear on front of the magazine with [baby] Christopher in her arms and that she had financial motive through the publicity she received.”

To be fair, Simpson is not smart enough to come up with this plan on her own, but she had to have known—we hope—that the baby in the picture wasn’t her actual baby. Right?

More on Miss Kanye.

Remember last week when he made a two-second appearance at Baby Mama Kim Kash Kow Kardashian’s baby shower/TV special?

Yeah, he wasn’t happy about having to be there, but apparently, in a Kimye relationship what’s good for the Rapping Goose is good for the Gold-digger Gander.

Kanye recently celebrated his sweet 36th birthday at Miss Lily’s in NYC with Beyoncé, Jay-Z, Scott Disick, Jonathan Cheban, Nas, Aziz Ansari and David Blaine, but not on the guest list was one Kim Kardashian.

Now, you might say, Well, she’s 18 months pregnant and probably couldn’t fly, but then that doesn’t answer the question why Kanye didn’t have his widdle party in California since he was out there not attending the baby shower?

Plus, you know Kim would’a hauled her ass onto a plane, and paid for the two extra seats she’d need, to be able to get her picture taken with Beyoncé.

The time clock is ticking down on this relationship.

So, I ranted a bit on Thursday about adulterer and Twitter-aholic LeAnn Rimes and her publicity blitz for her new album Spitfire. She was all, This is my best work and It’s so personal and I wrote about being a cheater and Buy it! BUY IT!! Buy it!!!

Alas, no one did. Spitfire debuted at #36 and sold just 10,000 copies its first week.

Spitfire? More like Misfire.

And lastly, let’s end the weeks’ gossip with the Story of Sad, Vengeful Grandma, AKA Demi Moore.

Friends—these are friends?—are claiming fifty-year-old Demi is getting revenge on her thirty-five-year-old ex, Ashton Kutcher, by showing off his, um, shortcomings.  His penis.

According to an insider—and it’s gotta be one of her girls, maybe the one whose boyfriend Mama stole—says Demi has some revealing images of Ashton’s willie on her phone that appear to show he’s a little short in that area.

Demi had previously been known to say that while Ashton was a great lover, he was a little handicapped in the size department. And,  Demi isn’t the first ex to discuss Ashton’s manhood; back in 2003, the late Brittany Murphy went on a talk show and hinted that Ashton wasn’t well-hung and then apologized for the comment.

Or apologized for his lack of endowment.

This whole thing reminds me of something … oh yeah, a heartbroken high school girl whose football player boyfriend dumped her for another cheerleader and so she starts with the Small Dick Talk.

Except that Demi is decades out of high school. 

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Random Musings

This week Pope Francis lamented about the “gay lobby” that was at work at the Vatican in private remarks to the leadership of a key Latin American church group.

In related news, I can confirm that the sun rose in the east this morning.

Up there in the big city, New York City, residents of a certain building are living in fear for their lives and have filed suit to stop a …. Wait for it …. Denny’s restaurant from opening in their building.’

The condo board at 150 Nassau St. has portrayed, ahem, cough cough, “America’s diner” as unfit for their upscale address—where a 3-bedroom unit recently sold for $3.5 million. The suit contends Denny’s restaurants are a “haven for violence, disorderly conduct, and alcohol-drenched patrons.”

Your point? I mean, if I had a nickel for every time I was drunk and disorderly in a Denny’s I could’a bought that three million dollar condo.

Just sayin’.

Without a single landslide, earthquake, or volcanic eruption, more than 2,400 gay and lesbian couples have gotten married in Washington state since the state’s voter-approved same-sex marriage law took effect last December.

According to the Department of Health:

—Same-sex marriages occurred in 35 of the state’s 39 counties

—Same-sex marriages represented more than 20 percent of the 11,661 marriages that took place during that same period of time.

—King County had the highest number of same-sex marriages, with 1,321.

—63% of same-sex marriages were female couples.

—14% of the weddings were for couples who had traveled to Washington state from other states.

And, like I said, Washington is still standing.

Wildwood, New Jersey Mayor Ernest Troiano Jr. thinks he's found a way to put one of the town's problems, um, for lack of a better word, behind it.

He is set to ban, ban, BAN overly saggy pants; no ifs, ands or butts. The city is set to pass yet another law regulating how people dress on its boardwalk; it already bans shirtless folks, and shoeless folks, and now, baggy drawered folks, too.

But who determines the amount of acceptable sag? Well, apparently the rule will be pants that sag more than 3 inches below the hips, exposing either skin or underwear.

I think I might have found my calling: Saggy Pant Measurer.

Troiano said:  "When you have good families who call you up and say, 'I've been coming here 20 years, 30 years, 40 years and I'm not going to any longer because I'm not going to subject my children or my parents or grandparents to seeing some kid walk down the boardwalk with their butt hanging out,' you have to do something," he said. "I'm not one of the Fruit of the Loom underwear inspectors; I'm not one of the grapes. I don't want to see it."

I’m.Not.One.Of.The.Grapes?

LeAnn Rimes is all over TV plugging her newest album, and talking about her marriage to Eddie Cibrian, whom she met and f**ked while they were both married to other people.

She said that, while it was hard … hee hee hard …. She admitted to her family and her husband at the time, that she had made the mistake of cheating.

Really LeAnn? I know you’re a songwriter, but now you’re also a history re-writer?

Your ‘admission’ of infidelity came when the tabloids began publishing pictures of you and the married-to-someone-else-too Eddie getting’ all snoggy at an LA coffee shop. This makes one think that if you hadn’t gotten caught, you never would have admitted a thing. Then she goes on to say that she trusts Eddie, and he trusts her.

Two people who screwed around on their spouses trust one another.

I.Laugh. And then I ask LeAnn to STFU.

And, since we’ve already discussed same-sex marriage in Washington, let’s look at some good news out of California.

A new poll in the LA Times reveals that 58% of the state's registered voters believe same-sex marriage should be legal, compared with 36% against. Just three years ago, the numbers were 52% in favor and 40% against.

It’s gonna happen people.

So, there’s this thing called a Purity Ball, where fathers get to take their virgin daughters:

Dads, escort your daughter to an unforgettable event where hundreds of young ladies dressed in formal attire and their dashing fathers will celebrate purity! This extraordinary evening includes an elegant atmosphere, pictures, gourmet dinner and dessert, flowers, music and other surprises sure to delight both father and daughter. Legacy’s President and popular speaker, Carrie Abbott, will deliver a unique message to dads and daughters and our Master of Ceremonies will facilitate a purity covenant.

Yeah, whatever, but ….

What’s funny is the price: $69. Yes, fathers and daughters and 69. Seriously, did know one at Purity Central think maybe they should have changed that to $68.95?

Henry Cavill.

Super.Man.

I am not really big on the cartoon-cum-feature-film genre and usually wait to see them on TV, but there’s something about Henry that I just can’t put my finger on which makes me wanna see this one of the big peen, er, screen.

I wish I could put my finger on it. Hell, I’d need both hands.

Ever made a mistake at work? I have. My first mistake was taking the job. I kid.

But this guy, over there to Germany, made the most amazing mistake ever.

The man, an employee of a German bank, was in the middle of transferring 62.40 euros from a customer’s bank account when he fell asleep at the keyboard and his head mashed the number 2 key, turning that 62.40 transfer into one of 222,222,222.22 euros, AKA $300 million!

And I thought I had f**ked up on occasion!

Speaking of millions, the group One Million Moms—which, according to their Facebook page, actually number in the 56,000 range, but Fifty-Six Thousand Moms doesn’t sound so powerful—is going after Kraft foods for that ad right there:

‘Last week's issue of People Magazine had the most disgusting ad on the inside front cover that we have ever seen Kraft produce. A full 2-page ad features a n*ked man lying on a picnic blanket with only a small portion of the blanket barely covering his g*nitals. It is easy to see what the ad is really selling. A person has to look closely to see the item the company is marketing because the salad dressing bottle is so small next to the male model, picnic basket and other food items. There is also a small Kraft logo in the upper corners with the words "Silverware Optional - Let's Get Zesty." The website getmezesty.com is listed in the bottom corner.

Kraft has gone too far and will push away loyal, conservative customers with this new ad campaign. Christians will not be able to buy Kraft dressings or any of their products until they clean up their advertising. The consumers they are attempting to attract - women and mothers - are the very ones they are driving away. Who will want Kraft products in their fridge or pantry if this vulgarity is what they represent? One Million Moms cannot get over the gall of this company. It is unnecessary for Kraft to use s*x to sell salad dressing!’

PS the little asterisks in the words naked and sex and genitals are there because, as the OMM says, their word can get out against browsers that filter against those words.

Or, because OMM gets all hot-n-bothered typing naked sex genitals.

Hillary’s on Twitter y’all, and her first Tweet was to the guys who created the Texts from Hillary craze. I can’t wait till she’s President.

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UPDATE: Tom Klansnic Needs Your Help ..... Followed by ..... I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

UPDATE:

Last Wednesday, I posted the story of Oregon school principal, Tom Klansnic who, after ten years in public school education, was recently told his contract with the district would not be renewed, with explanation as to why, and many parents in the district think it’s because he’s gay. [See post HERE]

Late last night I received an email from Denise McCloud, one of those parents who feels Tom was wrongly terminated simply for being gay, and she asked me to pots the link to a petition to give Tom back his job at Change.org.

So, I'd like to ask you all to go HERE and sign the petition.

This isn't what we should be doing in this country, firing teachers and educators for being gay. We don't do this.

So take a second and go HERE and add your name to the list of people who think Tom Klansnic deserves to keep his job.

And now ....... Gossip ......

So, sadly, Joy Behar, funny and liberal, is leaving The View, but now comes the news that Elisabeth Hasselbeck, the right-wing, conservative loon on the panel, has been let go because, well, folks don’t like her.

According to a source—and you know it’s Babs Walters because that bitch promotes any news about her show—The View’s resident conservative voice is being ousted after market research revealed that she isn't popular with TV audiences: "The viewers they polled all said she was too extreme and right wing. People did not watch the show because of Elisabeth. So they told her yesterday her contract would not be renewed."

A rep for the show says, however, "Elisabeth Hasselbeck is a valued member of The View and has a long term contract."

And, while Babs has said Lizzie ain't goin' anywhere, Lizzie herself isn't talking .... for a change. And.we all know a long term contract can be bought out or, can end in August?

Say g’bye Lizzie.

On the Lohan Legal front, Lindsay had wanted a plea deal in her lying to the cops case, but then nixed the deal and now comes word that she won’t accept house arrest either.

She’s making it real easy for the judge to send her drunken ass to prison.

Multiple sources—Michael and Dina Lohan, looking for a cash fix, or payment in tequila—say that both the Santa Monica City Attorney and the L.A. City Attorney have softened their position from lockdown rehab to 90-day house arrest but Lohan wants to fight it all because she’s …. Lindsay Lohan Dammit!

And while Lohan’s lawyer—called an idiot by the judge in the case—and the prosecutors are trying to negotiate a sufficient house arrest length, Lindsay keeps saying she’ll accept no punishment.

And why should she accept punishment when she doesn’t even accept responsibility.

That’s our Lohan!

So, Demi Moore and her adopted son, Ashton Kutcher, had a lovely time together until Ashton went hot-tubbing with a blonde who loved to gossip. Then it was over, and yet we waited and waited for either one of the couple to file for divorce. When neither did, all sorts of rumors swirled that they didn’t need to divorce because they were never really married, legally, in the first place.

Well, now we know that isn’t true, because Ashton—boning Mila Kunis now—filed in December, and Demi, not happy with the way things are looking, filed her own divorce case last month. Apparently Demi felt that Ashton wasn’t being fair with her in the financial settlement part and she wanted a larger cut of his earnings during their six year marriage. Demi wants spousal support from Ashton and a she also wants him to foot the bill for all her legal fees because she feels she took a back seat during their marriage, letting him be The Star, and putting her career on hold.

Two things: 

#1:Ashton isn't a 'star' he's a star-f**ker, and

B: I think GI Jane put Demi's career on hold.

Still, this whole thing is kind of laughable because Demi is actually worth more than Ashton but she fells she’s under financial hardship because Whip-Its and rehab and even younger boyfriends are expensive. And she’s still pissed that he cheated on her, and a man who’d cheat on his grandmother should be made to pay.

Or something.

It seems like LeAnn Rimes, who went to rehab last year for, um, something called ‘social-media-related emotional issues’—which means she Tweets too much and should shut up, is headed back to rehab for the same issues again.

It seems LeAnn Rimes has fallen off the Twitter wagon again, despite her 30-day in-patient treatment last fall, and has recently unleashed a series of increasingly bizarre tweets.

In early February, LeAnn flew off the handle when a Twitter follower—and let me remind you this is a person LeAnne doesn’t know personally, except on Twitter—intimated that she was taking pole-dancing classes because Brandi was too, Tweeted: “I’ve been doing it for two years with my firend [sic] Liz. If you’re so obsessive, look at my old tweets.”

If YOU’RE so obsessive. Pot.Kettle.Hasbeen Country Singer.

A source—and it’s probably Eddie Cibrian, who could use the income—says, “LeAnn was supposed to not tweet any negative stuff or engage with people who don’t like her, but she’s not sticking to that anymore. She is tweeting at people who aren’t fans and saying a lot of angry stuff about Brandi again. She can’t help herself!”

Oh, she could help herself. Turn the computer off. Put the SmartPhone™ down and get a life.

So, like Demi and Ashton, are JLO and her grandson, Casper Smart breaking up?

See, media-whore JLo wasn’t at the Oscars and we all know how much she loves a red carpet, and she and her young ‘friend’ didn’t go to a single Oscar party either.

Well, the rumors says that Jennisper—CasLo?—haven’t been around lately because Casper feels they’re spending too much time together and he wants his own space.

In West Hollywood, ALLEGEDLY.

An insider—and it’s probably Casper because, well, other than dance what does he do?—says, “He is with Jen and her kids so much. He wants to have a place he can go to in case this comes to a screeching halt.”

Emphasis on “screeching.” I mean, we’ve all heard JLo ‘sing,’ haven’t we?

Just sayin’.

So, Chris Brown in a woman-beating, dressing room demolishing, homophobic asshat, right?

He’s also one cheap mutha fu—Shut yo mouth.

It seems that Brown unleashed his anger issues on an innocent parking valet at an LA bowling alley last week. He cussed out the young man over the $10 service charge, and the whole thing was caught on tape—Google it, if you want, I can’t stand looking at Brown.

See, when Chris went to get his car, the valet asked for the $10 charge and Chrissy went off. And when the valet made it clear he couldn’t release the car without the cash, Chrissy and his posse of wannabes and asshats surrounded the guy.

Chrissy was mad because he says he was only there 30 minutes and shouldn’t have to pay the valet fee of $10 for parking his car, even though there are no rules about partial payments for a half hour or such.

Sounds to me like someone’s career might be taking a nose-dive if ten bucks sends him into a tizzy.

Hopefully Rihanna will never ask him to pay the Domino’s delivery guy.

So, last week, in a story of Celebrity Excess, I posted about Beyoncé’s animal hide, $5,000 shoes. This week, though, we’ll focus on one Elton John, who, and I’ll say ALLEGEDLY, while in Brazil for a concert booked a separate hotel room for his ….

Children? No.

Husband? No.

Sunglasses? Ding ding ding we have winner.

The reason the specs needed their own space? He wanted them to be kept at a specific temperature.

Oh, yes he did.

Hotel staff and concert organizers made sure that the room stayed at 16 degrees Celsius—or 60.8 Fahrenheit.

Elton, inspired by JLo no doubt, also requested large vases of red and white roses—not, I’m guessing, for the glasses—four bottles of cranberry juice, a pint of fresh skimmed milk and two bottles of good quality Pinot Grigio wine, plus eight small bottles of Evian water, and five large bottles or 12 small bottles of San Pellegrino sparkling water.

Still, how exactly does one check-in sunglasses because I have a pair of Kroger frames that are special to me.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Jennifer Lopez made the cover of People magazine and, well, she's not happy about it. Not the story, mind you, but the cover shot.

Lopez’s hair looks particularly shaggy and frizzy on the cover, but it’s not a Photoshop issue because, apparently, People posted a video clip of her interview and she looks just as rode hard and put away wet onscreen as she does on the cover.

Well Ms. Lopez’s people are not happy about the photo, and are saying that it makes her look "old and haggard.” 

No, JLo, what makes you look old is having a boyfriend young enough to be your son, and what makes you look haggard is trying to keep up with a boyfriend young enough to be your son.

A smidgen of Lohan because, well, it wouldn't be a week without Lindsay news....

Lindsay Lohan doesn’t care that the prosecutor in her car crash case--where she lied to the police about driving--is willing to let her skate without spending a day in jail because she won’t plea bargain a case in which she says she’s innocent.

Lohan's recently fired attorney--the one to whom she owes a $300,000 bill--Shawn Holley was on her way to court last week to negotiate a deal in Lindsay’s lying-to-cops case when she got her walking papers and law enforcement sources say the prosecutor was willing to let Lindsay plead no contest and agree to six months of lockdown rehab but no real jail time. But Lohan ain't playing because she didn't do it! She wasn't there! She doesn’t drive!

Or something.

But, if the case goes to trial and Lindsay is found guilty, she faces up to 19 months in jail. On top of that, the lying-to-cops mess has triggered a probation violation in her jewelry heist case and she could get another 245 days for that.

I don't know about you, but I think Lohan needs some jail time. If only so I can stop talking about her....at least if someone wackier comes along.

First off, isn't it creepy how Bruce looks like a woman and Kris looks like a man?

Anyway......it’s not surprising to hear that Kris Jenner is not the best mom, and it's not really a surprise to hear stories about what a terrible mom she's been to her marketing tools children. 

It seems that Kris' ex-husband's widow--oh, this does get tangled--has sold her late husband's handwritten diaries to the highest bidder because that's how you roll in Hollywood; sell your children, and then sell bits and pieces of your dead husband.

Still, according to Robert Kardashian’s diaries, he claims that Kris had an incident in which she was “kicking and beating Kim” and threatened to kill her! This ALLEGEDLY occurred in 1989-90, so little Kimmie was about nine at the time. 

Now that's an awful story to tell, but the diaries also reveal that  Kris would ALLEGEDLY leave her then four kids--Rob, the youngest, was two--for days at a time while she was probably trolling the skankier clubs around LA for her next meal ticket husband.

Sure, maybe the kids were with Daddy, and maybe Daddy had help, but where was Mama K? Maybe, oh, I dunno, screwing that young guy that she happily admitted cheating on her then-husband with in her idiotic memoir.

Nice, really, but when you realize it's Kris Jenner, it all makes sense.

I used to like Bethenny Frankel on the Real Housewives of New York--even though she wasn't a housewife, but a single gal on the go. She was snarky and bitchy and said what was on her mind, so she made for great TV. But then she got her own show, got pregnant--perhaps on TV--got married--on TV--had a baby--on TV--and built a business into a multi-million dollar enterprise--on TV.

Now, Bethenny and her husband, Jason Hoppy, aren't so TV-happy and are getting TV-divorced. And it's getting ugly:

• Bethenny--worth an estimated $25 million--has requested primary custody of their daughter, Bryn.
• Jason--worth an estimated $5 million--has also requested primary custody of their daughter, Bryn.
• Bethenny wants child support.
• Jason wants child support.
• Bethenny is asking Jason to foot the bill for medical and dental insurance as well as related expenses for himself and daughter Bryn.
• Jason is asking for Bethenny to foot the bill for medical and dental insurance as well as related expenses for himself and daughter Bryn.
• Bethenny wants Jason to maintain life insurance on himself, making both Bryn and her beneficiaries.
• Jason wants Bethenny to maintain life insurance on herself, making both Bryn and him beneficiaries.
• Bethenny wants their Tribeca loft as her sole residence.
• Jason wants their Tribeca loft as his sole residence.

Is it me, or, since they both want the exact same things, shouldn't they just stay married? And off TV?

Okay, Beyoncé lip-synced or sang to a pre-recorded track at the 2013 Inaugural Ceremony. Even she's admitting it now. And lots of people, from Anderson Cooper--who asked that we all give it a rest--and Aretha Franklin--who laughed and said she knew Beyoncé was lipping it--has weighed in on the story.

So, who's left to talk about it?

Those media whores.

Jennifer Lopez said, "Sometimes it happens."

Like it was an accident? Sometimes I crap my pants?

Not to be outdone in the weighing in on the story to keep her name in print, is adulteress and Twit-aholic, LeAnn Rimes, who said,  "Sometimes they make you do it. 

They? So, Beyoncé was forced into it? At gunpoint?

Maybe RuPaul was right, and we really do have to lip-sync for our lives!

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