Same-Sex Married Couples To Get Military Benefits

Department of Defense officials estimate there are some 18,000 same-sex couples in the active-duty military, National Guard and the Reserves, though it’s unclear how many of those are married.

But, those who are married could get health care, housing and other benefits by the end of this month under a proposal being considered by the Pentagon; earlier plans to provide benefits to unmarried same-sex couples may be reversed.

A Defense Department memo from Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel says the department might instead provide up to 10 days of leave to military personnel in same-sex relationships so they can travel to states where they can marry legally.

If implemented, this new plan would reverse an earlier plan to have the same-sex partners of military members sign a declaration form in order to receive limited benefits, such as access to military stores and some health and welfare programs. Hagel says the recent Supreme Court decision ending DOMA to legally married same-sex couples eliminates the need for such a plan:

"As the Supreme Court's ruling has made it possible for same-sex couples to marry and be afforded all benefits available to any military spouse and family, I have determined, consistent with the unanimous advice of the members of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, that the spousal and family benefits far outweigh the benefits that could be extended under a declaration system.”

In the memo, Hagel says the department intends to treat all married military personnel the same and "make the same benefits available to all military spouses, regardless of sexual orientation." But, recognizing that same-sex couples are only allowed to marry in a limited number of states, Hagel said the provision allowing service members to travel to states where the unions are legal is a way to help overcome those challenges.

I can just hear those anti-marriage equality folks now, spouting off about these ‘special rights’ that same-sex military couples have, getting 10 travel days to go get married where its legal.

So, I have a solution for them: work to have marriage equality become the law of the land in every single state and there’ll be no need for the additional travel days.

See how that works out?

via The Associated Press

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Architecture Wednesday: Two Hulls House

It sits along the coast, atop granite bedrock and surrounded by boulders. It looks like it's not going anywhere, and it isn't.

Two Hulls House in Nova Scotia consists of two pavilions that float above the beach like two ships in dry-dock for the winter, forming protected outdoor places both between and under them. It's also a bit like a pair of binoculars looking out to sea. 

And while it may seem like a weekend home, a vacation getaway, it's actually a full-time home for a family of four, with both a “day pavilion” and a “night pavilion.” 

You enter the house from the understated land side between the abstract, library ends of the two pavilions, then passing through them toward the sea, turning to the left and entering the living pavilion, or right into the sleeping pavilion. The linking form that connects the two pavilions, contains the generous entry foyer and the kitchen. The seaward ends of the two main forms--living room in one, master bedroom in the other--create protected outdoor porches or night-time “lanterns” over the water. 

Its white steel endoskeleton resists both gravity loads and wind uplift. The 32-foot cantilevers and concrete-fin foundations invite the sea to pass under without damage. The wooden rain screen consists of 8-inch vertical board-on-batten on the two “hulls,” while the linking piece is a monolithic block of weathered wood inside and out, clad in 4-inch horizontal shiplap.

It looks ready to set sail.

source

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The Little Town That Could, And Then Did

Collegedale.

It sounds like a town in a comic book, you know, but it’s a real pace in Tennessee, and starting today it has become the first city in Tennessee to offer benefits to same-sex spouses of its government employees.

A wee town; in Tennessee.

Of course, as happens, it didn’t come about without some joyful and noise and some disheartened weeping, after the meeting at Collegedale City Hall last Monday night, but the fact remains that this town is talking a stand toward equality.

Resident Dolly Fillman worries that the new policy is “condoning same-sex marriage,” when it’s really condoning equality.

See, for Collegedale Detective Kat Cooper, the new policy means her wife can finally have insurance coverage: “It is such a huge weight off our shoulders. We don’t have to constantly worry about health expenses or sudden emergencies. It’s hard to explain how much this means to us.”

It means equality.

Kat Cooper started this fight to change the policy after she was denied family health coverage for her wife, Krista; the women were married in Maryland last spring.

And, even better than the fact that Collegedale has changed its policy is the news that, of the five-member commission, all but one voted for the change. The lone ‘No’ vote was Mayor John Turner, who said he voted for the 74 people who had reached out to him opposing the policy: “That’s what we’re supposed to do as elected officials, represent the people of our district.”

True dat, Mayor, but, um, aren’t you supposed to represent all of the people?

The idea that Collegedale was planning this vote brought all kinds of people from out of the woodwork, and even from out of town.  Signal Mountain mother Juliet Jackson made signs urging people to “speak up for traditional marriage” and said, “I feel like the conservative voice isn’t heard. We’re bombarded by the other side. A disagreement is not hatred. … I think we should be able to respect one another.”

Respect me when you work to deny me equality? Tell me how that actually works Juliet.

But, not all conservatives had a dim view of the fight for equality. Neil Lane, a Collegedale resident who calls himself a Christian, said he was ashamed that people would take a stand against “just plain fairness.”

“The pulpit should be saved for the church,” he said.

Kat & Krista Cooper

Still, both sides were heard from during the debate that preceded the vote, but Kat Cooper stood up and talked about her struggle to have her marriage treated like other employees:

“It should be of no importance to my employer if my lifelong commitment is made to a man or a woman — both are equal. Small ripples can precipitate huge waves. In this case, a great opportunity lies in your hands.”

Another resident, Jeff Walton agreed with Cooper’s description, but admitted that “waves” would be detrimental, though he said, “Collegedale can look forward. Show them you are not a backwater little town.”

Well, you might be a backwater little town, but you’ve made a big splash, both in Tennessee, and around the country.

The march goes on ... from Collegedale.

source

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This Is What Equality Looks Like

Another reason to celebrate the death of the Defense of Marriage Act [DOMA] is that, in the olden days, the American citizen half of a straight binational couple—one spouse an American citizen, the other a foreign-born person—could sponsor their spouse for citizenship; it was that easy. Not so much for gay and lesbian binational couples. Even with marriage equality becoming law in several states, same-sex binational couples often faced the threat of deportation of the foreign born spouse because we did not have the same rights as our straight counterparts.

Now it’s a new day. And with the death of DOMA, gay and lesbian binational couples can now sponsor their spouses for a Green card with an end game of citizenship, just like Becky and Sanne.

The two women were married in the Netherlands, but live in North Carolina. And even though, back in 2012, North Carolina voters approved of their state’s anti-LGBT ‘Amendment 1’—which banned the state from performing, and even recognizing, same-sex marriages or civil unions—this past week when Becky and Sanne arrived at the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services [USCIS] offices in Charlotte, North Carolina, they were treated like any other married couple.

The USCIS officer reviewed their relationship, from its beginnings in India, through time spent in Africa, Belgium, The Netherlands and now North Carolina, and he was satisfied that Becky and Sanne had provided sufficient evidence that they were legally married, and he reopened their previously denied green card application.

At the end of the interview, the USCIS Officer announced that Sanne was now a lawful permanentresident of the United States; and just 75 minutes after the interview began, the USCIS ordered production of the actual green card which is expected to come by mail sometime next week.

There are those that say the fight for marriage equality is a fight for ‘special’ rights, but the story of Becky and Sanne illustrates that really all we want is the same rights as our straight counterparts. We’d like to be married; we’d like our marriages recognized; we, like most people, want our marriages celebrated.

No more, no less; just equal.

via The DOMA Project

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The RNC Foot-Stomps Over Planned NBC/CNN Hillary Films

You know what’s funny? The mere mention of the words “Hillary Clinton” and “White House” sends the GOP into a tailspin, chasing their collective tails and barking at imaginary doorbells.

Yesterday, Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus sent pissy, put-on-your-big-boy-pants letters to both NBC and CNN because both networks have recently announced plans to produce, respectively, a film and a documentary on the life of former Secretary of State Clinton.

And Priebus and the RNC see these programs—both of which will air before the presidential campaign begins—as a kind of campaign contribution to the Hillary Clinton campaign that has yet to even be verified or announced.

The mere mention of Hillary sends the GOP running and pissing like a mad dog.

So, Priebus has decided that if either network airs their Clinton programs than the GOP will formally bar Republicans from partnering with the networks on any primary or Presidential debates in 2016. 

To CNN, Priebus wrote:

I find CNN’s actions disturbing and disappointing. Your credibility as a supposedly unbiased news network will most certainly be jeopardized by the decision to show political favoritism and produce an extended commercial for Secretary Clinton’s nascent campaign.

And to NBC, he said:

I find this disturbing and disappointing. NBC cannot purport to be a neutral party in American politics, and the credibility of NBC News, already damaged by the partisanship of MSNBC, will be further undermined by the actions of NBC Universal executives who have taken it upon themselves to produce an extended commercial for Secretary Clinton’s nascent campaign.

To be fair, most major entertainment networks—like NBC—and most news networks—like CNN—rarely produce mini-series or documentaries about major figures in politics yet, the idea of a Clinton story is an interesting one. It's a good one, too, as she has been on the forefront of American politics since her husband became president in 1992.

Still, and I keep going back to this, just how scared of Hillary is the GOP? I mean, they’re acting like Clinton, who has never said she was running for president, has already won the office before the race had even begun.

Hmmm, maybe they’re onto something ….. 

Here are the full letters:

CNN1

NBC


source

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Homophobe Targets Children

As I posted earlier today, the recent victories the LGBT community has witnessed in our fight for equality has set off a rise in homophobic Hate Crimes and bullying, and even children aren’t exempt from this kind of bigoted, ignorant intolerance.

Last week Katie Vyktoriah was in a Florida Walmart with her son Dexter, who was wearing a pink headband because he likes the color pink. What happened to her, and to Dexter, is reprehensible.

From A Mother Thing, and posted there by Katie Vyktoriah:

"What Happened When My Son Wore a Pink Headband to Walmart"

This is Dexter. He is 2 years old. He loves to be Batman and Superman and Spiderman. He's a real boys' boy. He pretends he is flying, and he captures the baddies who threaten us.

He is the sweetest little troublemaker you'll ever meet.

Some other things you might like to know about Dexter:

He is a fabulous big brother. He was a late bloomer vocabulary-wise. He used to be terribly shy but has recently begun to come out of his shell. He loves new people and enjoys greeting them with a big "HI!" when he meets them.

His favorite color is pink. He loves Dora the Explorer. He has been known to wear my skirt as a dress, and he delights in cuddling with his mama.

Last night, I took my two boys out to pick up a couple of things from Walmart. Mark had to catch up on some work, so I ventured out on my own, which is something I don't do very often. It takes a lot of work to get the kids ready, get them in and out of the car, find a shopping cart, keep them happy while I shop and get them home in one piece. You parents will understand this.

After struggling to get him dressed and get his shoes on, I had to pry an overlarge teddy bear out of Dexter's arms, as he was set on taking him with us. This brought on tears and tantrums, which I somehow managed to calm very quickly. But when I attempted to remove my discarded lace flower headband from his head (which he'd been wearing all day), I saw him getting ready to fight, so I left him to it. Who was he hurting?

We got to the store, and amazingly I managed to get him to sit in the shopping cart with no issues. The fact that he was wearing a cute girly headband made him feel good, and he was charming all the old ladies by waving like a little pageant prince. I snapped his photo after two old birds came up to tell me just how adorable he was.

He rocked that headband.

Soon enough, we were done with our shop and were making our way toward the front. As we passed through the produce section, two teenage girls began giggling and one of them asked, "Is that a boy or a girl?" I smiled and said, "He's a boy." I looked on at him adoringly as they continued to giggle.

Out of nowhere a big booming voice rang out. "THAT'S a BOY?!" The man was overly large with a bushy beard and a camouflage shirt with the arms cut off. He had tattered shorts and lace-up work boots with no laces. I could smell the fug of cigarette smoke surrounding him, and there was a definite pong of beer on him.

"Yes," I said simply, still smiling.

With no notice, the man stepped forward, grabbed the headband off of Dexter's head and threw it to the bottom of our shopping cart. He then cuffed Dexter around the side of his head (not hard, but that is not the point) and said with a big laugh, "You'll thank me later, little man!"

At the same time as I stepped forward, Dexter grabbed his head where the man had smacked him and threw his other hand forward, stomping his foot and shouting, "NO!" I got between my son and this man and said very firmly, "If you touch my son again, I will cut your damn hands off."

The guy snarled at me, looked at Dexter with disgust and said, "Your son is a f*cking fa***t." He then started sauntering out, but not before he threw over his shoulder, "He'll get shot for it one day."

I stood there, shaking, fists clenched, waiting for the man to disappear out the door, and then I fell apart. I was shaking so hard, holding back tears and comforting Dexter.

Not a single person said or did anything. There were several people who had witnessed the encounter, but not one of them came over to offer support or console me or my son.

Let me repeat to you: Dexter is 2 YEARS OLD.

I was there with a 2-year-old and a 5-month-old baby, and my kid had been verbally and physically assaulted by a man. And no one did a thing.

I made my way to the front, still in shock, and I paid for my items and left. I did not report it to the management nor to the authorities, though I am considering doing both. But as I live in a tourist area, I doubt there is anything I can do to find the man -- he could be anyone from anywhere.

It's been almost 24 hours, and I've vented on Facebook and had many supportive comments. I have calmed down. I am able to look at the situation with as much objectivity as I am capable of.

There is so much wrong with what happened that I don't even know where to begin.

This man removed an article of clothing that my son was wearing. It doesn't matter that it was a headband. It is never OK.

This man forcefully touched my child without permission. He thought he was being funny. I did NOT think he was.

He called my son an extremely derogatory word AND suggested that he deserved to die.

How is ANY of this okay?!

THIS is what bigotry looks like.

A grown man who should know better decided it was OK to step in and "teach" my child what it is to be manly. He thought it was OK to judge my child because he was not adhering to HIS idea of what a little boy should be. Clearly, the man was a homophobe, which is bad enough -- but to attribute gay tendencies to a 2-year-old is as RIDICULOUS as attributing STRAIGHT tendencies to a 2-year-old. It just doesn't compute!

A 2-year-old HAS no sexuality.

To think you can "teach" a child to be a certain way is unbelievable. Even if being gay is a lifestyle choice (which I don't believe for a second), it is not a choice that a toddler can ever make. And much like little girls can play baseball or enjoy monster trucks, little boys can and do play dress up with mommy's clothes, accessories, makeup, etc. Everything is new and exciting to a kid, and they learn by trying new things.

Mark and I are both completely supportive of love in all forms. Be you gay, straight, bisexual, transsexual or polygamous, it is YOUR business. I don't judge, and I don't try and change you.

And if one or both of my kids grow up to realize they are any of these things, it will not change a thing about how I feel toward them.

But right now, the fact that homophobia is so rampant, that gay marriage is still seen as dirty because homosexuals are "lesser" somehow and don't deserve to have the same rights as straight folk, that people like that man in Walmart even EXIST makes me fear for my kids and their futures.

While we may accept and support whoever our kids turn out to be, I am scared beyond words at what it would mean for them if they ARE gay. Why should anyone have to live in fear because they fall in love with someone that you or someone else doesn't agree with? Why should mothers and fathers of gay kids have to have an extra layer of terror at night because they know that the world at large is against their child?

Why does it matter? Do you really think your God or your Jesus or your deity of choice would be as judgmental as you seem to be? Even the POPE has come out and said it's OK to be gay.

But all of this aside, whatever stance you take on the debate, it is a complete farce to ever allow your fear or disgust with an ADULT lifestyle color your view of a child!

And it is NEVER EVER OK to touch a kid who isn't yours without permission. ALL people, even children, deserve respect. 

Stay safe people, because people like that asshat are out there, and they’re angry, and they don’t even care if they hurt a little boy.

via The Advocate and A Mother Thing [that site is temporarily down due to overwhelming traficc ... go figure]

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The March Goes On ... But March With Caution

I have said it before, but it bears repeating: while the LGBT community has made great strides of late in the fight for equality, at work, for marriage equality, and for our binational brothers and sisters, the successes have spawned a rise in incidents of gay bashing.

Now, I’m not suggesting we step back, but I am suggesting that when we step up, and keep marching, that we remain vigilant and aware. For every step forward we make, those folks who wish to deny the LGBT community any form of equality, step up their fight against us, and their anger at our recent victories, spurs on those who respond to us with fists and anger and vandalism.

As we move forward, the numbers of hate crimes are going up because there are those who seek to deny us equality and they will use any means available to get their point across. And these incidents will increase, sadly, because our movement toward the goal will increase. I just hope that we all, the LGBT community and our allies, will step up, and be vigilant, and guard one another against the anger.

June 28: Ron McCoy and his partner, Chris Bowers, flew to Albuquerque for a long-awaited road trip through the Southwest, but their excitement soon died down. McCoy and Bowers took a seat in the front of a rental car shuttle bus, and sat there holding hands when the driver noticed them.

“I saw him look at us, look down at his hands and he looked so angry. He just blurted out at me, he goes, “'Okay, if you're going to do that, you're going to the back of the bus.'"—Ron McCoy

Shocked and not wanting to cause problems, the couple obeyed, but once the shuttle stopped, McCoy asked the driver why he forced them to move: “I said, ‘I think it was because you didn't like the fact that I was holding my partner's hand.' He goes, ‘See, now you're telling on yourself.’ My partner responds, 'Well, that's discrimination,' and the driver responds, ‘You're telling on yourself again.’”

Bernadette Aguirre, who witnessed the confrontation. jumped in: “I told the bus driver that I was completely appalled that anybody would be treated this way.”

“And the driver looks back at us and goes, 'I'll show you what's appalling,' and he points to us,” McCoy said.

The couple then complained to Sunport, who contracts with a private company, Standard Parking, to run the rental car shuttle buses. Their spokesman said: “First and foremost, it is absolutely unacceptable. We immediately got in touch with Standard Parking to assess what exactly happened. They acknowledged this was a mistake on the part of the driver.”

And yet they never apologized to McCoy and Bowers, and the driver continues to drive for the company.

UPDATE: The company has finally apologized and suspended the driver for his behavior.

August 3: The perpetrator took his time. That was what terrified John Hill most about the surveillance video of his Julia Street home, which showed a man pulling down a striped gay-pride flag and scrawling the word ‘fags’ across a shutter.

Hill is the chairman of the Forum for Equality, a statewide organization of LGBT individuals and their straight allies working for equal rights, and he calls the incident a hate crime. 

New Orleans Police Department spokesman Garry Flot said the department is investigating the incident with the FBI as a hate crime, and is asking the public's assistance in identifying the man seen in the video.

"It was so deliberate. That's what scared me most."—John Hill

Hill and his fiancé, John Weimer, who have lived in the 1832 townhouse since 2007, discovered the slur and the missing flag Saturday morning. By midafternoon they had replaced the missing Pride flag with two more.

"We're doubling down."—John Hill

August 5: A group of men and women broke Jason Jacobs's nose after hurling anti-gay slurs at him in the Capitol Hill area of Seattle.

Jacobs was walking home shortly after midnight when he was approached by three men and two women, who started calling him derogatory names based on his sexual orientation. The mob chased Jacobs down the street and attacked him when they caught up, leaving him with a broken nose and cuts to his face and knees.

Jason Jacobs believes he was attacked because he is gay; police say Jacobs had been drinking and was unable to provide a good description of his attackers.

We are all watching Russia these days, because of the virulently anti-LGBT laws that threaten the safety of, not only LGBT Russians, but LGBT visitors to the country; the laws that may threaten LGBT athletes, and LGBT athlete allies, in the Winter Olympics in 2014.

But we here at home face our own hazards. While the laws are there, in some spots, to protect us, we still need to be aware that some people don’t like what we are asking for: equality. Some people don’t like that we are getting married in more and more states. Some people don’t like that we want protections in the work place. And rather than argue their point, some people, use their fists and their words, and spray-paint, to taunt us and terrorize us, hoping we’ll stop.

But one thing they don’t know about the Gay Community is that we won’t give up. We have been marching toward days like these for a long time, and a lot of us have fallen along the way due to homophobia and bigotry, and some of us have died for the fight, but we are still here and we are still marching and demanding our rights as citizens.

We just need to watch those who want to stop us; report those that threaten, those that vandalize, those that brutalize.

Our march goes on, and, I hope, it goes on safely.

Ron McCoy and Chris Bowers

John Weimer, Jr and John Hill

Jason Jacobs

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