Religious Zealots Lost At Sea For Months After Leaving US Because Of The Gays

Hannah Gastonguay, her baby Rahab,
husband Sean and their 3-year-old daughter Ardith

Hannah and Sean Gastonguay don’t like The Gays; they also don’t like the fact that women have the right to choose an abortion for themselves. So, like any good American, the Gastonguays packed up their toys, and their two children—baby Rahab and 3-year-old Ardith—and got the eff outta the United States. They decided to 'take a leap of faith and see where God led us' because they believe they needed to flee their homeland because of what they see as government support for homosexuality and abortions and restrictions on their religious freedom. 

However, neither Gastonguay seems to know the front end of a boat from their asses, and yet they thought it smart to load up their little family onto a boat and sail from San Diego to the Polynesian island nation of Kiribati—a distance of over 3,300 miles. Naturally, as happens when fools with no experience take matters into their own hands, the Gastonguays were recently rescued after being lost at sea for three months.

Almost as soon as they left port, the family encountered storms and rough weather, that tossed their tiny ship—do I hear a song coming on … ?—and, with their limited nautical knowledge, and sever lack of common senses, they drifted for months and were running low on supplies before they were picked up by a passing tanker. 

They were taken to Chile are expected to be flown home courtesy of the U.S. State Department. I know, thank god for government, right? I mean, you can decide that you loathe where you think your government is headed, when that government seeks equality for all its citizens, and lets its female citizens choose what to do with their own bodies, but it’s good to have government when you’re stranded in a foreign country with no way home.

Hannah Gastonguay, a mother who deserves to lose her children after subjecting them to the whims of her and her wack husband, said they chose Kiribati because 'we didn't want to go anywhere big' and she and her husband believed the island to be 'one of the least developed countries in the world.'

Again, they had no knowledge of the island, and no real knowledge of how to sail there, but they stuck their kids in a boat and set sail.

Hannah said her entire family—and I guess she meant her eight-month-old and her three-year-old—was fed up with government control in the U.S. and because, as Christians, who belong to no particular faith, they don’t ‘believe’ in 'abortion, homosexuality, in the state-controlled church.' She suggests—because she doesn’t know much—that government regulation interfered with religious independence.

So, Hannah, Sean, Sean’s father, Mike, and their two infant children set off for places unknown, with no plans, no experience, no knowledge. Within a couple of weeks they encountered ‘storm, storm, storm.' The boat was damaged and the little family decided to set course for the Marquesas Islands, but instead found themselves taking more and more damage, leaving them unable to make progress.

They had been at sea for over two months, and were down to 'some juice and some honey' and the occasional fish they caught, but had seen no other boats. But, they had faith that ‘God would see us through.'

A fishing ship came into contact with them but left without providing assistance, and a Canadian cargo ship came along and offered supplies, but when they pulled up alongside it, the vessels bumped and the smaller ship sustained even more damage.

Eventually, their boat was spotted by a helicopter that had taken off from a nearby Venezuelan fishing vessel, which ended up saving them. The captain of that ship was incredulous at finding a family at sea, asking them, "Do you know where you're at? You're in the middle of nowhere."

They spent five days aboard that ship before transferring to a Japanese cargo ship, where they spent almost three weeks before landing in Chile. The Chilean newspaper Las Ultimas Noticias reported the story of their arrival:

'They were looking for a kind of adventure; they wanted to live on a Polynesian island but they didn't have sufficient expertise to navigate adequately,' police prefect Jose Luis Lopez, who took the family's statement at San Antonio, told the newspaper.

Hannah Gastonguay said the family will now 'go back to Arizona' and 'come up with a new plan.'

I would hope it doesn’t involve a dumbass move that could endanger their small children, and if it does, I hope the U.S. government steps in and removes those children from their moronic parents.

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The Sochi Winter Olympics: My Two Cents

I have somewhat conflicted feelings about the upcoming Olympic Games in Russia and the virulently, violent anti-gay laws there. Some folks say we should boycott the games, but that only punishes the athletes who’ve worked and trained, sometimes their entire lives, for an Olympic medal. Some people say we should boycott Stoli—personally, I have long been a Ketel One man—but isn’t that just punishing the Russian people and not the Russian government? There are some who say we ought to move the games from Russia, but that seems an almost impossible task at this late date—the games are just six months way; is that enough time to ready another venue, even the Vancouver site of the last Winter Games?

But one thing I do know is that we need to, as a people, a country, and a world, demand that this nonsense in Russia end. Being gay is not a crime; saying the word gay is not a crime. We need to stop this before it becomes another Nazi Germany and The Gays are rounded up and killed while we look on in horror, doing nothing.

Think I’m exaggerating?

The new law in Russia—similar to the section 28 law passed by Margaret Thatcher’s government in England in 1988—bans the dissemination of "propaganda of non-traditional sexual orientation" towards under-18s and imposes fines on anyone convicted. You can be fined, or jailed, or worse, for just being gay, for just saying the word, for just coming out as gay.

The legislation has caused many people to demand action in Russia before it becomes another Nazi Germany—this time persecuting, and murdering, gays and lesbians. Last week the International Olympic Committee said it had obtained assurances from the Kremlin that competing athletes would not be affected by the law, but now we’ve learned that is not the case; any athlete who is gay, supports the LGBT community, from any country, is subjected to being arrested and fined and jailed, and maybe worse, in Russia.

It is not a safe place for the LGBT community or its allies.

And, if we continue to let this stand, if we stand by and talk and do nothing else, we are basically becoming co-conspirators to the murder, torture, imprisonment, of gays and lesbians in Russia.

We let this happen once before and millions of Jews were murdered.

Are we going to sit back and let it happen again? Being gay isn’t a crime; being gay should not be against the law. How many LGBT Russians are living in fear that they might be arrested for simply being themselves?

And how are we, as a people, a country, a planet, going to feel if we do nothing?

As I said, a boycott affects the athletes; pouring Stoli down a drain is a symbolic gesture that is a waste of time. Cancel the games; tell Russia that no one is coming; tell Putin that we won’t stand by and clap and cheer as he sends gays and lesbians to their deaths.

Move the games, even if it takes an extra year to find a new venue, or ready a pre-existing one. Move the games and let the athletes compete without fear of persecution, and then, as a people, a country, a world, stand up to Putin and Russia and tell them we will not let this happen.

Not again. 

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Father Brian Sistare: A Bully In The Pulpit

Father Brian Sistare, a Catholic priest at Sacred Heart in Woonsocket, Rhode Island, is apparently emailing his state legislator’s — just the ones who voted for marriage equality —threatening to use his pulpit as a church leader to get them unelected.

Apparently the not-so-good father is unaware that, as a non-profit entity, his church, and others, are legally, legally, forbidden from engaging in political activity.

But, he says, in his email: “I’m praying for each of you, that you turn back to God. I’m also going to let my Parish know exactly how you voted, so come re-election time, you will not be re-elected.”

Using God as a weapon; how so very Catholic of Sistare.

His email was sent to the 26 state senators who voted for marriage equality and was signed by Sistare, though he has not commented further.

Sistare is also said to have told married, legally married, I remind you, gay parishioners that he would not serve them communion unless they ended their marriages.

Here is the full email sent to Rhode Island senators:

Dear RI Senators who voted for “marriage” between members of the same sex,

       Yesterday was a very sad day for our little state of Rhode Island.  I’m still shocked that each of you took it upon yourself to take the place of God and redefine what He has established.  Marriage has always been understood as the union between one man and one woman.  This is a 5,000 year old fact!  I’m wondering what you will do when a mother comes to you and asks to be married to her son, or a cousin wants to marry her first cousin, or when a man wants to marry 2 or 3 women, or a human being wants to marry his animal?  What will you do, now that you have decided that Marriage is no longer a sacred union between one man and one woman?

        For those of you Senators who are baptized Catholics, I invite you to go to the Sacrament of Confession to receive God’s Mercy and Forgiveness for your grave sin of voting against God yesterday, so you’ll be able to receive Holy Communion again in the Catholic Church.

        For those of you who claim to be a disciple of Jesus Christ, I also invite you to repentance in your own faith tradition; and to those who claim no religious affiliation, I pray that you also see the error of your ways.

        Your decision yesterday will have a lot of consequences on those of us who hold God’s definition of Marriage between one man and one woman.  Already my Pastor from my hometown of Westerly is being accused by a confirmed lesbian, of violating the tax exempt status of the Catholic Church for telling his parishioners to contact Senator Algiere about his upcoming vote – unfortunately, Senator Algiere, you betrayed your own Catholic Faith and your constituents in voting for sodomy yesterday.  Also, my little niece Giana was coming out of school the other day when her fellow 4 year old classmate remarked to her that 2 women could marry.  Thankfully, my niece told the little boy the TRUTH that this isn’t the case, that Marriage is only between one man and one woman.

        I’m praying for each of you, that you turn back to God.  I’m also going to let my Parish know exactly how you voted, so come re-election time, you will not be re-elected.

Fr. Sistare

St. Rocco Church

Johnston, RI

I pray that God gets a copy of the email and forwards her answer to Sistare that she is all about love, and she is not too keen on this bully using his pulpit to threaten either a state senator who voted for equality, or a gay couple in his congregation.

I don’t think God would look favorably on Sistare.

I would also like to see those Rhode Island senators enact legislation to begin taxing the Catholic Church since they are obviously now a full-fledged political organization.

And God isn’t happy about that either.

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Community Theater Gig Cost Harold Scott His Job

Seriously, you overtly religious folks need to calm the eff down. Not everything is an anti-religious thing.

Take for example, one Harold Scott. He’s been an educator for 22 years, and has been the superintendent at Parkview Christian School, started by Calvary Community Church, since 2011. Now he says he was fired because he performed in a community theater production of “The Producers.”

Scott said he was told the reason for his termination is that Calvary's pastor, Dr. Carl Godwin, felt his participation in a theater production of a Broadway musical would have a negative reflection on Calvary Community Church and Parkview Christian School.

Um, was Scott that bad? Was his singing off-key? Two left feet?

What could it be? Let’s see, Harold Scott played Max, one of the main characters in Mel Brooks’ “The Producers,” a play about two men who scheme to get rich by overselling interests in a Broadway flop. It includes jokes about Nazis, homosexuals and show business, and includes gay characters.

Oh. I guess singing and dancing in a musical that references Nazis and The Gays is enough to get you fired.

“I never imagined that my passion for acting and participating in community theater would lead to me losing my job. I truly believe that I did nothing wrong and my involvement in theater should in no way interfere with the career I love.”—Harold Scott

Neither Godwin nor the chairman of the school's board could be reached for comment.

Nothing to say after firing a man who‘d been at his current job for almost two years after teaching for 22 years; nothing to say because the reasons for firing him are absurd, and possibly illegal.

I’m not a fan of lawsuits—not every wrong is a lawsuit—but I hope Harold Scott sues the pants off this so-called church. And then I hope he turns the whole thing into a musical.

I’d be there on opening night.

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The Gortz Haus In Iowa and Grace Gardens In Texas Discriminate Against The Gays

As I’ve been saying, as the fight for marriage equality heats up, and as more and more places around the world, and here at home, begin legalizing same-sex marriage, we are going to see stronger resistance from those who want to use their so-called faith to guide law.

Like in Iowa, where, by the way, marriage equality is legal, Lee Stafford and his fiancé Jared Ellars had booked the Hotel Pattee for their wedding, but the venue suddenly closed. Lee and Jared scrambled to find a new place for their wedding, and came across the Gortz Haus in Grimes. The men toured the facility together, and at the end of the tour they were asked if the wedding was to be a gay wedding.

My stock answer is, “All weddings are gay affairs, aren’t?”

But the owner, Betty Odgaard, wondered if it was a ceremony for two men, and when Lee said ‘Yes’ she said ‘No’.

"It's not from an angry place," said Betty Odgaard, who says she’s a Mennonite. She says both she and her husband operate their business on religious principles. "That decision is based on our religious beliefs. We want to honor that. We want people to know that is our stand that comes from our faith, our convictions. I think we should just stand by that no matter what."

"The fact is [Odgaard] discriminated against us based on our sexual orientation. Iowa code says if you have a public accommodation, you can't discriminate based on sexual orientation."—Lee Stafford

And you can’t and you shouldn’t, but, again, I have a solution to the problem: advertize your business as one that does not serve the LGBT community. Hang a sign, place an ad, post it on a website. Let everyone know that you will not allow your public business to be rented to gay and lesbian couples.

If you wish to discriminate for any reason, let us know, and we’ll go elsewhere; as I hope would everyone else.

That’s Iowa, where same-sex marriage is legal, so I was shocked to hear that story. Not so much this next one … because it takes place in Texas.

Monico Ramirez and Jonathan Luna plan to get married in the near future and began looking for places to hold their reception. They contacted an event venue called Grace Gardens and asked about holding a reception, a party, not a wedding, but were denied.

“I went to check out Grace Gardens," Ramirez said. "It was absolutely beautiful, and we decided we wanted to have it there."

Ramirez and Luna began going over contract details with a staff employee, and that's when they informed the employee that they planned to have a same-sex reception.

"She just looked at us weird," Ramirez said. "She took us to a lobby, and told us she had to go speak with a manager, we stayed there 15 minutes. She came out and said 'I'm sorry guys, but we are not allowed to have any services for same-sex marriage.'"

Except the two men were not planning a wedding at the venue, they were planning a party, a reception. And even if they were planning some sort of wedding ceremony, what right does the business owner have in deciding who can and cannot use their facilities.

Open to the public means just that.

“When she told me that, I felt like somebody was throwing a bucket of water on me, it was kind of sad and embarrassing. I don't think it's right to be discriminated like that."—Monico Ramirez

Again, I say to Grace Gardens, hang a sign, put up a billboard, take out an ad where you say, plainly and simply, that while you are a public business you don’t cater to the gay public.

Let us know, and we’ll make a point of taking our money elsewhere.

That said, before some of you get your panties in a bunch and tell me that either place has the right to refuse services to anyone, just substitute the words gay couple with Black couple, Jewish couple, Baptist couple, Menonite couple. Then if you don’t have a problem with it, well, shut up anyway.

Or gnaw on this one: what would you think about a wedding venue, open to the public, but owned by a gay couple, who refused to cater straight weddings and receptions? Would that be right? Fair?

Discrimination is discrimination, in Iowa, in Texas, anywhere, and if you don’t take a stand against it, one day you might be the one turned away from a business and you’ll be asking for help and won’t get it. 

Gortz Haus Denies Gay Couple Wedding Venue

Grace Gardens Denies Gay Couple Party Space

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Sunday Funnies

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Justin Bieber is an entitled little douche with little discernible talent other than being a spoiled, self-indulgent prissy little queen. Whoosh. That felt good.

He’s also a bit of a coward.

See, Miss Justine likes to start trouble in clubs—the ones that let underage girls in, that is—but then turns tail and runs to his bodyguards when things get rough. And they hoist him onto their hip, take him out to the car, strap him in his car-seat and give him a binkie till things die down.

Last week, at South Pointe in Southampton, Miss Justine showed up at 2 AM and immediately threw a tantrum because a bunch of drunks wanted his picture; I mean, you’d have to be pretty trashed to want a picture of that whiny brat, amirite?

So Miss Justine’s ‘team’ of bodyguards, to, you know, protect their paychecks, began shoving the crowd and shining flashlights in their faces so the cameras couldn’t capture Miss Justine drinking from a bottle … of formula.

Then, when a female clubgoer tried to chat up the Biebs, and he got all chest puffy, her male friend and Justine exchanged a few heated words: “He (Bieber) ripped his shirt off and went nuts. He was screaming,” says the source—AKA Dina Lohan. “Security moved in, and Bieber was taken from the club out to the parking lot, where his SUVs were waiting.”

And his nurse, who put him down for a nap, after changing his dirty diaper.

I do so love a good catfight, and no one knows how to do it better than Joan Collins.

I mean, she’s at least a 100, right? And still kicking off her mules and taking off her earrings and getting into the dirt …. with Shirley Jones, best known as Shirley Partridge from The Partridge Family.

Yeah, that Shirley Jones.

It seems Jones wrote a memoir where she claims that she and Joan nearly had some kind of torrid foursome in the 1960s and Joan says it never happened; she’s ranting to anyone who’ll listen that she is not some ‘porn-watching swinger pervert and never was, and now she threatening Jones.

According to the book, Shirley and her then-husband Jack Cassidy were at the home of Joan Collins and her then-husband Tony Newley for dinner … and after dinner, Tony proposed they all get naked and watch porn together. Shirley writes, “It was clear what Tony was leading up to — swinging.”

But, Shirley says she turned down the offer, and now Joan is accusing her of libel. Collins sent Shirley a cease and desist letter, demanding her new book be removed from stores everywhere, but Shirley’s NOT backing down. She says the story is true and she’s standing by it.

Old women arguing over group sex and porn. Who’da thunk it!

Lindsay’s in New York, y’all. Lock up all the clubs and tell the psychics to stay indoors!

But, one place you won’t see Lindsay is in Europe. After announcing upon her exit from Rehab Stay #7 that she would be headed to Europe for a vacation, Lindsay has suddenly changed her mind.

Or, she had it changed for her.

It seems Oprah has ALLEEGDLY talked Lindsay out of a European Vacation.

See, O is sure Lindsay will relapse if she goes and O just cut Lindsay a check for $2 million for a reality show docu-series, and O wants it to have a happy ending, with Lindsay clean and sober, not coked up at a hotel in Cannes; again.

Sidenote: It was all over the media yesterday that O was saying she knew this time Lindsay will stay clean, but if you listen to the actual quote, O says, “I think she thinks this time will work.”

O’s hedging her bets ….

Looky here, two more grande dames of the cinema having a catfight.

Sylvester Stallone and Bruce Willis. I bet they get down and dirtier than Collins and Jones did.

The two aging he-men have appeared in The Expendables, which spawned a sequel, with plans for a third installment. My kinda movie: wrinkly old men as action heroes.

Willis’ part in the first film went uncredited, but he signed on for the second one, and he was supposed to do the third but it seems like he wanted a bigger piece of the Grampa Action Hero money so he was replaced by that other aging action hero, Harrison Ford.

And Sly likes the idea, Tweeting: “WILLIS OUT… HARRISON FORD IN !!!! GREAT NEWS !!!!! Been waiting years for this!!!!”

And then following up with this jab at Willis:  “GREEDY AND LAZY …… A SURE FORMULA FOR CAREER FAILURE.”

And before anyone could say he didn’t mean it, Stallone’s rep confirmed he was talking about Willis.

I wanna see a tag-team match, Collins and Stallone versus Willis and Jones. That’s an action movie I’d see.

Now onto Kimye.

All has been quiet since Kim’s baby, Child Support Check, was born, and even Kanye, who never stops talking, has been gloriously silent.

But rumor has it that Kim is only being quiet because Kanye is so controlling, you know, like he says, ‘Don’t talk to the press or I’ll move back to Paris with my boyfriend’ or ‘Stay away from the paparazzi or I’ll move back to Paris with my boyfriend’ or ‘Stop making that face or I’ll move back to Paris with my boyfriend’.

Oh yeah, ALLEGEDLY.

But it seems that Kanye has been controlling each and every minute of Kim’s life these days, and some are saying that she is ALLEGEDLY “walking on eggshells” — and staying away from cameras — to please her Baby Daddy’s ego.

A source — and you know it’s Kris Jenner, the Biggest Pimp In The World — says, “Kim has been trapped by a madman who’s doing his all to control her every move. She knows the littlest thing can set him off. She knows not to push Kanye too far … she’s doing her best to keep him happy.”

And if that means Kim is staying away from the press and not whoring herself and her baby, Child Support Check, out, then I say, and I never thought I’d say this, Thank you, Kanye.

And now for news about a different Kardastrophe … Khloe.

In recent weeks, it’s been ALLEGED that Khloe’s husband, Lamar Odom, had a nearly year-long affair with a woman named Jennifer Richardson; in fact, Richardson, as women who schtup married basketball players and then find themselves alone are apt to do, sold her story to the Star; but, she had plane tickets, game tickets and other receipts as evidence of the affair, so maybe ….

And then we learned that Khloe actually confronted Jennifer courtside at one of Lamar’s games and told her to stay away from Lamar. For his part, Lamar tried to claim that Jennifer was just a groupie and that they had nothing going on. So, that ALLEGED relationship is said to have ended in February, which may explain why Richardson whored herself to the Star, but now there’s another woman who claims to have had an affair with Lamar.

Polina Polonsky, a lawyer … how’s that for high-larious … claimed that she was Lamar’s f**k-buddy for about six weeks — around the same time Lamar was staying at the Roosevelt Hotel because Khloe had kicked him out of their house for schtupping Jennifer — and she says Khloe and Kris conspired to harass and intimidate her: “I was under the impression that he had left Khloe, and that’s why he was living at the Roosevelt. He acted completely available and we definitely had a mutual attraction.”

Of course he acted available, that’s what adulterers do. Their flirtation escalated during, um, meet-ups, not hook-ups, at the Roosevelt, and then finally, on June 13, the pair made sweet sweet adulterous love: “After we had sex, Lamar stayed the night with me. The next day we went back to the Roosevelt. I stayed there with him for the next couple of nights.”

It wasn’t long before Khloe found out, and, grrrrl, she wasn’t happy. On June 21, while Polina was at her apartment, Khloe and her pimp, Kris Jenner, ALLEGEDLY stormed the Roosevelt to confront Lamar and his lover. According to Polina, Lamar told her that, while looking for him, Khloe and Kris banged on the door of the wrong room and when there was no answer Khloe broke the door down.

Well, that heifer is powerful, you know!

So Lamar, disgusted and a’scurred by Khloe’s behavior fled to Polina’s home and stayed there for nearly two weeks, hiding from his wife. Then, on June 25, Polina says Khloe and Kris came to her home: “I couldn’t believe they found where I lived and came to my apartment! They were knocking on the door, but Lamar refused to answer …”

Khloe eventually left to film her reality show, but later on, when Polina and Odom were schtupping again, Khloe also showed up at that room at the Vagabond Inn … let that sink in … The Vagabond Inn … tacky ass motel.

At 5:30 AM Khloe started banging on their love shack door, sreaming, “Open the door now, or I am calling the police!”

“I told her to leave, but she refused. I called the front desk and asked them to call the police because I was so scared, but no one ever came. While Khloe was screaming outside the door, Lamar was calling people to come and get her. She was out of control. The whole scene was so frightening — and I couldn’t understand why we were hiding, because he made it clear that he didn’t want to be with her!”

Eventually Polina says Lamar opened the door for his wife and: “Khloe charged into the room and began swinging at me…she tried to attack me! Lamar had to grab her by the hoodie and pull her back. She is way bigger than me. It was terrifying. Lamar took her into the hallway, and I shut the door for my own safety. I could hear them screaming at each other, and I kept banging on the door telling them to leave before they got arrested. As soon as they left, I left — I couldn’t stay there after all the craziness.”

As the Immortal Nene Leakes would say, Close your legs to married men!  Close your legs to married men! Close your legs to married men! Close your legs to married men!

Now, onto those other wacky adulterers, Simon Cowell, and his f**k-buddy, and wife of his former friend, Lauren Silverman.

It now seems that Cowell has been schtupping his buddy’s bride since 2009, according to a source — :::cough cough::: Dina Lohan — who says, “Lauren has loved Simon forever. And they started having an affair four years ago.”

The relationship began as a casual fling, you know, a man in a tight T-shirt, smelling like an ashtray, screwing his friend’s wife, but now with a Baby On Board, Cowell and Silverman are just aglow.

But, as much of a scum-sucking, bottom-feeding, can’t keep his pants zipped, or his dick gloved, ass that Simon Cowell can be, his future Baby Mama, Lauren, is a cunning … I was gonna say linguist … bitch. See, Lauren and her husband had a pre-nup, in which she’d get $4 million if they stayed married for ten years.

Guess who got pregnant by her hubby’s buddy right after anniversary Number 10?

Uh huh ….

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