I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Miley Cyrus is trying so hard to reinvent herself that she’s gone back to the past on us.

Apparently Miley thinks it still nineteen-ninety-something because she’s dressing like some chick out of a 90s music video, and she’s ALLEGEDLY druggin’ like it’s twenty years ago.

See, it seems that pot isn’t Miley’s only vice. Guests at last May’s Met Ball are now saying that they saw Miley snorting something suspicious in the ladies’ room, in full view of partygoers! How very Sex and the City when Carrie meets Big's model girlfriend in the loo of her.

One source—and you’d know it was Lohan if she wasn’t locked up and if Anna Wintour would ever allow her within a hundred yards of the Met Ball—says, “I went into the bathroom and saw four girls trying to squeeze into a shall. They door was open, so people could see. They were screaming and laughing and being so loud. Miley put her finger over one nostril, bent down over the back of the toilet, and snorted a white powder off it. I watched her do it.”

Could be true, you know, and could maybe not be true. What is true is that after twenty-some minutes in the ladies room, Miley and her chain-smoking, white powder snorting friends were asked to leave.

Snorting a line … off a toilet. On the bright side, I guess now we know what Miley means when she sings “trying to get a line in the bathroom” off her new song, ‘We Can’t Stop.’

I’m having a flashback to the 90s so what is Miley doing there?

Lindsay Lohan is in the third rehab she’s tried in her latest stab at sobriety and she’s talking again about how she wants to switch just one more time.

She claims she’s off Adderall, a drug she once vehemently denied she ever took, and when she gets out of hiding she want to, um, I quote, “go deep into hiding.” Which I think means a private room at Chateau Marmont.

Sources close to Lindsay—you know, the ones who make their living off Lohan, like her Momager Dina and her fame-whore daddy, Michael—say that Lindsay now realizes she’s been powerless in combating her addictions, and says cities like New York and L.A. only feed her demons, so she wants to get out of there and fast.

Lindsay says she plans to move somewhere in the US where there are no paparazzi.

I’m thinking under a bar in a backroom at the Shrangri-La room in Akron’s Howard Johnson Motor Lodge because you know the minute she gets out next month she’ll be clubbing and partying and denying until the next time a judge sends her packing, then unpacking, then packing, and unpacking, and packing again.

Heads up square states, Lindsay’s coming at ya!

Jennifer Lopez is a whore. Not the sex kind of whore, but the money kind of whore. She’s also a big-assed hypocrite.

It seems Jello—as Carlos calls her—earned about $1.4 million last month performing at a birthday celebration for the president of Turkmenistan, Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov.

Seriously? That’s his name? Whatevs ….

But Human Rights Watch describes as Turkmenistan “one of the world’s most repressive countries” where Internet use is severely restricted—social media is completely outlawed—and all electronic and television communication is monitored. In addition, Turkmenistan does not allow freedom of thought or religion, homosexuality is punishable by law, and the authorities have been known to demolish homes and forcibly evict residents without any form of compensation.

But hey, it’s the big guy’s birthday and JLo needs some spending money so, why not?

Though now Jello is claiming she knew nothing about Turkmenistan, and is insisting she’d never have performed there had she known. But, um, Jello? Doers no one in your camp have a brain, and do you severely restrict Internet usage so that your peeps had no idea what you were doing and for whom?

Or, as is probably the case, was it just about the money? Which you gave to charity right?

:::crickets:::::

This is nothing new for Lopez. Last year she also performed in Russia at the wedding of an Uzbek businessman. ALLEGEDLY for $1m, and for Azeri oligarch Telman Ismailov, ALLEGEDLY for another $1.4m. Before each of these performances[?] Jello refused to discuss the country’s human rights situation during a phone-in interview, saying, about the jailed punk band Pussy Riot, “I don’t like to talk politics, to be quite honest.”

To be quite honest, she just wants to make as much money as she can and doesn’t care from where it comes.

Whore. Hypocrite.

Who knew Martha Stewart was such a, well, in her words, tart?

While appearing on Watch What Happens Live, Andy Cohen played a game called ‘Did Martha Do It?’ with Maggie Gyllenhaal. Maggie answered questions about Martha before Martha herself confirmed whether or not Maggie was correct.

Maggie said no to the sexting question, but Martha shook her head, confirming that she does love to send some X-rated texts.

More importantly, though, Martha hinted that she may have had a threesome before and I'm thinking Rosie and Donald Trump, which explains their feud.

I wonder if Martha corrects the grammar in her incoming sexts?

Just sayin’.

Oh Alec Baldwin. Ever since his last, or better yet, most recent, tirade, he’s been getting all sorts of bad press and is now whining about it.

Y’all remember he went all homophobic on Twitter last week when a  reporter suggested Baldwin’s wife, the aptly named Hilaria, was Tweeting during James Gandolfini’s funeral.

Well, Baldwin apologized—sort of—for his bad temper, and deleted his Twitter account, and now says he’s going to give up Twitter altogether.

Because James Gandolfini would have wanted it that way. Huh?

“I went to Jimmy Gandolfini’s funeral, and when I was there I realized Jimmy Gandolfini didn’t have Twitter. Jimmy Gandolfini was so beloved as a person, and he was so admired as an actor, and he didn’t give a f**k about social media. I really learned a lesson at the funeral. I said to myself, ‘This is all a waste of time’. Meaning it’s fun sometimes, but less and less and less. It’s just another chink in your armor for people to come and kill you. I stopped and said to myself, ‘I’m going to try where I just don’t do this anymore’.”

Seriously, Alec?

Um, Twitter can be fun, but Twitter isn’t fun when you use it to threaten and bully folks you don’t like, so don’t play this all on Gandolfini. You aren’t on Twitter because you’re a bully with anger management issues and you might find your career in the toilet if you keep it up.

So, like I said last week, STFU.

50 Cent, AKA Curtis-s-s-s Jackson, has been charged with attacking his ex-girlfriend, and baby mama, and ALLEGEDLY trashing her apartment. He has been charged with domestic violence and four counts of vandalism and could face up to five years in jail and $46,000 in fines.

During an argument, the woman told police, Jackson began destroying her property before she locked herself into her bedroom. She said Jackson kicked open the bedroom door and kicked her, causing injury. Police said they estimated about $7,100 in damage to the woman’s home. Jackson had already left when officers arrived.

50 Cent couldn’t be reached for comment.

Seriously, who does he think he is, Chris Brown?

Dina Lohan, Momwhore of the Year, says Lindsay will be moving back to New York to live with her once she gets out of her rehab lockdown.

I guess that whole go somewhere where there’s no press thing is over, huh?

Still Dina says a lot of things, and most of the time she’s drunk or high, sigh, ALLEGEDLY, so who knows if any of this is true, but, Lindsay living with Dina?

Dina who never met a bottle of chardonnay she didn’t want to make love to? Dina, who was, no matter how she spins it, drunk as hell on Dr. Phil? Dina, who, again ALLEGEDLY, beat and cut Lindsay during a coke-fueled and alcohol-riddled limo ride from an NYC club back to Long island? That Dina?

Yeah, this bodes well for sobriety.

Jamie Foxx, Oscar winner—and what the hell kind of oxymoron is that?—is ALLEGEDLY furious that he is being by his “White House Down” co-star, and owner of the most glorious ass in cinema today, Channing Tatum, and he is not happy.

Tatum and Foxx have worked nonstop to promote the film, but Foxx has played second fiddle to rising star Tatum, who’s been deluged with questions about his skyrocketing career and new baby girl. And, also ALLEGEDLY, fans at the premiere in Washington, D.C., were practically shoving Jamie out of the way to get a picture with Channing.

Ouch.

Jamie feels that he should be the star of the show everywhere he goes and yet now all the questions he get start off with, ‘What’s it like to work with Channing?’ or ‘Have you seen Channing’s new baby yet?’ or ‘Can you ask Channing to take his pants off?’

Okay, that last one may have been my question.

Still, after three top box-office films in a row—21 Jump Street, The Vow, and Magic Mike­—Tatum is the one people want.

Better luck next time, Jamie. Maybe a movie with Mel Gibson? Then reporters will wanna talk to you.

About what it's like to work with Mel Gibson ...