So, when we last left the designtestants, they were told that there was more coming, so they are scuttled back to the runway where Tim and Heidi reappear; Heidi, with the Dreaded Button Bag.
The teams are a’changing; again. This time they will be teams of two. As last week’s winner, Samantha gets first pick and she goes for Daniel and His Magic Mustache. Stanley and Richard team up, as do Mat and Michelle, Kate and Tu, Layana and Patricia, and Benjamin and Amanda. And Benjamin isn’t too happy about his partner because last week Amanda’s whole team through her under the figurative bus; but a couple of weeks back Benjamin sent down an outfit that had literally been under a bus.
The designtestants go off to Johnny Utah's to do some line dancing and shoot some whiskey …. Or, to be told by Tim Six-Gunn that their next challenge will be to design for country music star, Miranda Lambert. Each team will create both a red-carpet look and a stage-ready look Miranda.
That said, let’s bust this bronco…..
SAFE
KATE & TU
This week Tu gets some airtime, and after his decision to Gaga-ize Miranda Lambert, I predict he’ll go back into the ‘Where’s Tu?’ file. Still, he was talked out of making Miranda’s already substantial breasts and hips even more substantial, so there’s that. But his look still seemed more rock and less country.
As for Kate’s, it was my favorite last night. The tight corset would really show off the curves, and the long flowing train was sexy and fun; plus, it was the only color—black and blues are really colors—on the runway.
LAYANA & PATRICIA
Patricia is all about ideas; bullet holsters and twisted leather fringe. Layana is all about complaining; there isn’t enough time to ruche her whole dress—and when she does you can’t even see it on this boring prom queen Dress Barn mess—and she thinks Patricia is too adventurous, though Patricia completely finishes her dress; which wasn’t good because it looked more touring company Annie Get Your Gun than 2013 country music star.
TOP TWO
RICHARD—Performance Piece
These two are as giddy as school girls to be working together, and Richard takes on the performance piece because he sees Miranda as a, and I quote, “Rock goddesssssssssssssssss.”I haven’t heard a lisp that strong, or long, since Terry-Thomas went Around The World In Eighty Days back in the 60s.
Team Rich-Stan didn’t spend all their cash at Mood, so they decided to use the rest to buy themselves a couple of ‘Thank You Mood’ t-shirts; good idea, since Richard’s mesh-and-fringe dress was hooker-see-through. He used the cut up T’s to line it so Miranda’s substantial lady parts wouldn’t be exposed.
I thought the whole thing was cool but it was more Nutbush City Limits than Austin City Limits. Richard, however, gave it Two Snaps Up.
The Adorable Zac Posen™ loved that it moved and that it would look good onstage; and he was a fan of the more sparkly fringe, go figure. Heidi thought it looked expensive, while Nina thought the fringe would show off Miranda Lambert’s curve. The lady herself, Miranda, said it was definitely something she would wear.
And, for that, Richard got his first win, and a bout of the giggles.
STANLEY—Red Carpet Look
Gosh, I find him just adorable.
Had to get that out there.
Stanley is good at what he does, but like Benjamin he has time issues. As in, Tim Gunn, “Time to go to the runway Stanley” while Stanley is trying to put the dress on his model. And luckily he did, because a naked model with a Red Carpet Gown Turban does not get you to The Tents.
I liked his look; liked. It was kind of safe and boring, even with the addition of the glittery waist. It just wasn’t show-stopping enough.
Miranda loved the plunging neckline … to show off ‘The Girls’ … but hated the full pleated skirt because, well, she’s, again, got some curves happening. Still, it was, as she said, time and again, something she would wear. The Adorable Zac Posen™ thought there were some good elements, but also some fit issues in the top. Nina Garcia gave it the dreaded ‘nice’ which, you know, means ‘I hate it, but I won’t kill you for it.’ Heidi agreed that any woman would be swallowed up by the pleating.
Nice, but not Red Carpet Worthy.
TOP TWO ALSO
AMANDA—Performance Piece
Amanda, who reminded us time and again that she lives in Nashville and has seen Miranda around town at the Buy-and Bag and the Curl Up and Dye,, seems to know just what Miranda, wants; and Benjamin knows, too. Miranda wants the same fringe dress that Amanda wore whilst flower shopping last week.
So, Amanda took a fringed skirt and made it into a fringed dress and then topped it off with a fringed diamond necklace. I could’a dome without the jewelry.
Still, I thought it was sexy, and with all that fringe would look good onstage. Miranda Lambert dubbed it ‘really cool’ and said it was something she would wear—what won’t she wear? The Adorable Zac Posen™ loved the casual jersey fabric—wet t-shirt fabric, he said—but liked the fringe because it moved so well. Nina Garcia called it easy, but not in a slutty kind of way, while Heidi seemed mostly happy that Amanda was able to shake off the bus she was thrown under last week to make a comeback.
BENJAMIN—Red Carpet Look
As with Richard and Stanley, Team BenjAmanda comes in way under budget; to the tune of $130. And, of course, they think they’re sunk.
Not so fast.
Benjamin let’s Amanda crack the whip on him, so this week he actually gets something done ahead of time. And, of course, it’s all structure and corsets and built-ins, and no visible pleats because that’s what he does.
What he also does is create a sequined boob; just the one, mind you. I seriously thought it winked at me as it walked, and the judges seemed to forgive it, while they raved that he actually finished something all the way.
Nina called it elegant and beautiful and gorgeous from every angle, while Miranda worried that it might not be her style—was it Spanx-friendly—though it was totally something she would wear. The Adorable Zac Posen™ loved the styling and called the whole look chic. Heidi thought Miranda’s curvy figure would really be a showstopper and was thrilled that Benjamin gave a completed look.
BOTTOM TWO
MAT—Performance PieceMat is all full of ideas, but then loses himself in the confidence department as he seems to second guess himself to death.
He creates a top of leather and lace, all in black, so you can’t even see it, and then, because he’s bogged down in Bustier-ville, forgets to make a skirt until about a minute before the runway. Then he whips up a simple pleated, cheerleader skirt.
Gimme a U, gimme a G, gimme an L, gimme a Y.
U-G-L-Y.
Heidi loved the detail, but hated that you couldn’t see it and The Adorable Zac Posen™ wished it had been bolder; he, again, complimented Mat on his look from last week and wished he’d brought that sense of deign to this challenge. Nina said it had no shine and no movement, while Miranda Lambert went all Life Coach on Mat’s ass and said he needed confidence. He knew the dress was hideous, but he just shriveled up. ‘Get some confidence, dude.’
I think Miranda make have just written her next big hit.
Mat’s next big hit was getting Auf’d.
MICHELLE—Red Carpet Look
WTF was that necklace? I mean, at first I thought it was part of the dress and a bad choice at that, but then to learn that Michelle went to the Lord & Taylor Accessory Wall™ and picked that thing out … Someone get me some buckshot and my rifle.
Michelle doesn’t do country because she’s all AC/DC and MTV Music Awards … from the 1990s. Miranda began to say that she would wear the leather top; until Heidi crushed her by saying they weren’t there to pick pieces from which to create a new wardrobe. Heidi then said if Miranda wore that, she would be on the Worst Dressed List, or, god forbid, the Fashion Police’s Fash-hole of the Week! The Adorable Zac Posen™ loathed the Linguine Necklace and thought the skirt—of denim, so cliché for the country star—was too casual; in fact, when the necklace was taken away, the dress actually looked a heckuva lot better; sexy, and kinda casual. Nina thought it was a dated ‘Rock of Ages’ costume and Michelle seemed to love that.
In fact, you gotta give it to Michelle; she stuck to her guns, and her necklace, by saying again and again how much she liked it.
She has a Point Of View, and while it may be old, at least she has one.
Which saved her; still, she's going to have to pull out all the stops next time to break away from her seemingly permanent place on the bottom.
BOTTOM TWO ALSO
DANIEL—Red Carpet Look
I have been thinking for weeks about Daniel and who he sounds like, and then last night I realized he sounds exactly like Dustin Hoffman as Dorothy Michaels in Tootsie. And so now, all I can see of Daniel is an old lady in a mustache.
Ick.
I’m also growing tired—as is Kate—of Daniel’s ability to sew and pat himself on the back at the same time. Daniel used some metallic leather—ooooooh—and then told us he was going to "soutache" it; a method so old that the producers were forced to actually define it onscreen. All I could think, every time he said ‘soutache’ was succotash, emphasis on suck.
Miranda Lambert said she had no idea it was a leather ‘soutached’ top until he told her, and I think she might have mumbled something about it being something she would wear; I’m guessing. Heidi thought the top looked like tinfoil, and Nina had to be restrained from leaping onto the runway and beating Daniel to a pulp for fraying silk.
SILK!!!!
Bad enough, she said, after a shot of bourbon calmed her down, that it looked like a napkin and a tablecloth. Bad enough that it had an awful center seam—which Daniel had told Tim, in the workroom, he wasn’t going to do—and bad enough that it was, well, I’ll let Nina say it, “Bad. Bad. Bad!”
Again, she had to be restrained.
The Adorable Zac Posen™ gave Daniel the "You're good but you better get better, fast" speech and then said later, that Daniel “might be amazing, but he isn’t cool.” He also hinted that Daniel seemed to be a bit too referential of other designers, i.e. stealing.
Daniel needed a smackdown, and a wake-up call, or else he be copying another designer, Mat, and be going home soon.
SAMANTHA—Performance Piece
Samantha was all about motorcycle jacket, vest, kind of a thing, with a skirt that seemed to have movement. Hard and soft, and Heidi loves some hard and soft.
But, somewhere between the idea, the workroom and runway, the dress just wilted. The vest was cool, hut not showstopper, and the skirt seemed a little too Little Bo Peep undergarment to me.
Luckily, as Heidi reminded her, she has immunity. The Adorable Zac Posen™ wanted more from her, and, in fact, preferred what Samantha was wearing to her design, and wished designers would stick to designing from what they like; which leads me to picturing The Adorable Zac Posen™ wandering around his pied-a-tierre in an Oscar gown. Miranda Lambert said, again, that it was something she would wear, but she was also referring to Samantha’s own outfit and not the one she designed.
So, it was lucky she had immunity, but unlucky that she won’t have it next week because if she does something this boring again, well, Buh bye.
MY TAKE
Miranda Lambert was all va-va voom in a very sausage-casing black leather number; I literally thought she’d bust a gut, and not in a good way.
Thank goodness The Adorable Zac Posen™ looked more adorable and less Little Boy Blue this week.
Thank goodness we heard from Tu before he gets Auf’d.
I can’t get the image out of my mind that Richard’s head looks like a walnut, and I can’t get the image of Stanley out of my head, period. He’s slowly becoming The Adorable Stanley™, and I’m not sure I can have two of those.
I was pleased by the switching up of the teams again, and hope they continue changing it up every week. I’d thought Michelle was good, but, no matter what team she’s on—save last week—she’s in the bottom; so, it’s not them, Michelle, it might be you.
What did YOU think?
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