I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Let’s take a look at the facts before we jump to the quote.

In 2010, Michael Douglas’ oldest son, Cameron, was sentenced to five years in federal prison for drug trafficking. Cameron Douglas was arrested in a DEA sting trying to sell a pound and a half of crystal meth to an undercover agent. He was also caught sending meth through the mail, a federal offense that involves interstate trafficking. Not good, but then, while on house arrest, he was caught with heroin, which his girlfriend—a lovely gal, no doubt—tried to slip heroin to him inside the battery compartment of an electric toothbrush. And we'll finish up by adding that, earlier this year, while in prison, he was caught with drugs—Xanax in his system and a Suboxone pill on his person.

After all that Cameron's sentence was almost doubled to nine-and-a-half years, which is close to the maximum he could have gotten for the original offenses.

Now to the quote: Michael Douglas, said of his son’s crimes and incarceration, “I have gone from being a very disappointed but loving father who felt his son got what was due him to realizing that Lady Justice’s blindfold is really slipping. I’m not defending Cameron as a drug dealer or drug addict, but I believe, because of his last name, he’s been made an example … When he had the ‘slip,’ I said, ‘You were two weeks away from starting your rehab program!’ But years of shooting up heroin screws up your system.”

So, his addict son, who cannot stop using, to the point of having his girlfriend play drug mule, to the point of failing a drug test while in prison, to the point of having illegal medications on his person while in prison, is being made an example because he’s Michael Douglas’ son? Oh, honey no.

It’s not like Cameron Douglas is Lindsay Lohan, because we all know she gets special treatment. But now, it gets worse for her. The doctors at The Betty Ford Center have cut off her precious supply of Adderall, and now she’s looking to go over the wall.

Lindsay is telling her friends she cannot, will not, stay at Betty Ford and wants to be moved to another facility, Hawaii sounds nice, that will let her chew the Adderall like they were Flintstone vitamins.

I don’t really know, i.e. don’t really care but I’ll say this just for you, what’s going on with Kim Kardashian and Kanye West at this point. I mean, everyone has an opinion, and now it seems like the Kash Kow Klan is having their say.

A source—possibly Dina Lohan now that she can’t sell Lindsay stories to the tabs—says, “The Kardashian family members, particularly Kim’s mom Kris Jenner, are growing increasingly concerned about how Kanye treats Kim. Kris is also concerned about how Kanye acts around the paparazzi. The Kardashians have made their names off the back off being photographed, but Kanye has a real aversion to it.”

This need for the paparazzi is what feds Kris Jenner’s ego, and bank account, and she became extremely annoyed last week when Kanye and Kim were trolling strolling Beverly Hills and, with photographers swarming, Kanye put his head down and walked into a sign; ironically, the sign read, ‘Wrong Way’.

Kanye then went on a screaming rampage at the paparazzi while Kim entered a restaurant and presumably called more photographers to let them know where they could find her, you know, accidentally.

When the Baby Mama and the Sperm Donor were in Paris recently, Kanye also went off on the paparazzi, telling them to leave him and Kim alone, but as a manager-slash-pimp, Kris needs to have Kim and Kayne to be photographed. It’s all about the coins.

So, now folks are saying that Kanye is shunning the Kardashians—smartest move he ever made—and is planning on spending more and more of his time in Paris, “working” on an album. Kim, who needs to stay in LA because she’s 85 months pregnant, and needs to have pictures of herself taken morning noon and night, will not be joining him there.

Add to that the pesky—unsubstantiated—rumor that Kanye is involved in a gay relationship with designer Riccardo Tisci, the man responsible for Kim’s couch dress at the Met Ball, and, well, this doesn’t bode well.

On to some Grandma Moore; Demi, Moore.

Now that she’s dating one of her daughter’s ex boyfriends, she’s in need of extra cash to keep the Botox and fillers flowing, and to keep a plastic surgeon on 24-call should a wrinkle appear.

To that end, she is said to be dragging out the divorce from BoyHusband, Ashton Kutcher, because she feels she’s entitled to more than he’s offering her. Last March, it was said that Demi said that it was “only fair that she be compensated” for the nearly 10 years she was with Ashton, and said she let her career cool while they were married.

No, Demi, GI Jane and Striptease let your marriage cool.

Still, now she says she wants half of the stock—worth an estimated $10 million—that Ashton owns in an Internet investment fund he co-founded.

Ten million. That’s a lot of Bo, and a lot of boys.

Lady Gaga is still lying low after recuperating from Old Lady Hip surgery, and has basically been babysitting Elton’s kids—she is their godmother, you know.

But, on one of her rare outings, she went to the Chateau Marmont for dinner, and one of her friends—and we all needs friends like this—told Gaga that she looked like she was Amy Winehouse, back from the dead.

But without the talent, I say.

Stunned, the Lady ga-gagged, and ran from the dining room, only to return hours later with a bright red wig and new makeup on.

And yet, still, without the talent.

So, there’s this thing called Kickstarter where you basically beg people for money as an investment in your ­insert project here. The producers of an upcoming Veronica Mars reunion film used it to raise some $2 million for their project, and then Zach Braff used it to beg for money for his sequel to Garden State.

Sounds like a good deal, unless you’re Melissa Joan Hart.

Hart’s begging/fundraising effort hoped to raise $2 million for the project—a film was called Darci’s Walk of Shame—but after about a month it had collected only $51,605 from a measly 315 supporters.

Still, she can’t be surprised, I mean, she Melissa Joan Hart—I had to Google her to find out she’d been on TV in the early 70s, or something. So, she must have known the project was a bit of a gamble, as her personal message to donors asked them “to do what Hollywood won’t, and that is to take a chance on me as the lead of a romantic comedy film.”

Ouch. Kickstarter? More like a kick in the teeth.

We haven’t heard much from JLo and her teenaged boyfriend, Casper Smart, lately; admit it, you missed them!

The big surprise, however, is that after being together for almost two years now, they still aren’t engaged. In a normal JLo relationship, buy this time she would have been married, divorced, and dating an embryo, so this is kind of shocking.

Now, though, people are saying JLo is ready to walk down the aisle again. In an interview with ET, the 43-year-old “singer” talked about their relationship, and why she’s ready to get married again: “He’s a creative partner to me. He knows what I want to accomplish. He helps me and I help him, and it kind of works that way.”

Translation: he carries my bags.

As for the romantic connection between the two, JLo said: “It’s a sweet relationship. It’s kind, it’s healthy.”

Like any relationship a twenty-something man has with his mommy.

Whether they’ll take a walk down the aisle together remains to be seen, but JLo admits she’ll “probably” take the plunge again in the future. After which she’ll get out of the water and file for divorce.

Again.

More on the Kash Kow, Kim Kardashian.

No one, no one, expects her to be a good mother, but the few that do may see their numbers shrink when they learn that she’s going to be approaching motherhood using skills learned from … wait for it … her mama, Kris “I’m Yo Pimp Mama” Jenner.

From the Kash Kow blog:

“Mother’s Day is one of my favorite holidays because it’s a special day to honor my role model and best friend. As I’m counting the days until I finally get to be a mother, I’m a bit nervous and anxious but also excited knowing that I learned from the very best. My mom is a strong and ambitious career woman that despite her busy schedule and the millions of things she has going on, she still manages to put family first and continues to look out for us every day. I’m honored to follow in her footsteps and make her proud like I am of her.”

This means that in roughly sixteen years, Kim will be pimping out baby Kanye Kardashian’s sex tape.

Still loathing Gwyneth Paltrow. How about you? Well, if you answered yes, you can add Chloë Sevigny to the list of people who are tired of Paltrow’s antics.

Earlier this week Paltrow complained about the Met Ball; it was “hot”; it was “crowded”; it wasn’t “fun”; my husband ignored me all night and refused to stand near me in any pictures at all. Then she said she would never, ever, ever go again. 

I think she said this after one of Anna Wintour’s Flying Monkeys dropped by Chez Paltrow with a letter that said, “You will never be invited again.”

I’m guessing.

Now, Chloë Sevigny offered Ms. Paltrow some tips on how to not have a really bad time getting dolled up in designer duds and walking a red carpet and having minions fawn over you, saying, “Maybe her sleeves were too tight. If you’re in a dress where you can’t breathe, then you’re not comfortable. You have to wear comfortable shoes and an outfit you can be okay in. [Also] I think it depends on what table you’re at, and who you’re with, and obviously your attitude. But it’s a lot of hoopla over not a lot. Everybody thinks it’s so much pressure, and you do the carpet and it’s such a big deal, and it’s just a museum fund-raiser, you know?”

In other words, Gwyneth, stop taking yourself so seriously. Get clothes that fit, Find a better class of friends. Realize what you’re doing.

Then STFU.